The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I loved the opening word: Balefully--perfect choice to portray the setting/scene. The flow of your writing was marred in several places from missing words or an extra word. I'd recommend reading your piece aloud exactly as written (better yet, have someone read it to you) to find those spots. You make excellent use of alliteration, such as "temperamental, turbulent and trying." Although I was a little unclear when/how the shift to accepting the pet was made in your mind, you definitely portrayed the teen spirit. I liked the phrase "it included a mouth and too much mouth at that."
I liked the voice you started with--you could do a lot with it--and the mother's voice was right on, too. The missing punctuation made for a rough read, but that's fixable. Good job with the voices, it's a great starting point.
You made interesting use of alliteration but I do agree with the above reviewers. The teenage spirit of rebellion came across very well.
Very sweet story, and I liked the poetic viewpoint; however, some editing would help a bit with the sentence structure, etc. But all in all it was an enjoyable read, and entertaining. I liked the little ball of fur, too.