Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Sibling(s) (05/01/08)
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TITLE: Worms | Previous Challenge Entry
By Lauren Miranda
05/08/08 -
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It was a warm spring day after school and their mom kicked Donny, Davy and Elia outside in the sunshine to play.
“I am not raising three couch potatoes. Play in the yard and don’t go too far or get too dirty.” She gave the stink eye to Donny and Davy as she said this, then added, “And look after your sister.”
The concept of “too dirty” meant completely covered in mud for Donny and Davy. “Too dirty” meant a spec of dirt for Elia so she stayed as far away from mommy’s new flower garden once her brothers set to work.
Elia watched her brothers laughing and playing animatedly in the mud and started to get a little jealous. Her doll could only do what she thought of and with no one else to play with she was getting a little bored. Ever so slowly she scooted along the porch towards her twin bothers and their mud.
Finally she blurted out, “Can I play?”
The twins looked at each other, Elia swore when they did that they were reading the other’s thoughts. “You can play with us.” Donny started.
“But only if you promise not to tattle on us.” Finished Davy.
“I won’t, I promise.” Elia wondered for a split second if that meant she could never tattle on them but decided that only meant today and then the promise ended. Besides, playing in the mud today was not that bad and if they did something really bad tomorrow she would have to tell mommy.
As Donny and Davy explained the mud game to her, Elia could not help thinking that it sounded a lot like tag. Whoever had the muddy hand was “it” and if you got tagged you would have to make your hand muddy before you could tag the next person. Needless to say they all had several muddy handprints on their clothes.
Their mom opened the kitchen window and yelled outside. “Spaghetti is on the table in thirty minutes. All of you wash your hands and change your clothes.” There was a hint of laughter in her voice as she saw their muddy hands and clothes.
As the three of them balanced on the footstool to wash their hands and faces Donny started commenting on dinner.
“Ugh. I hate spaghetti.”
“Why?” asked innocent Elia.
“Well,” Donny continued, “you know what happens when you don’t chew spaghetti, Davy.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty gross!” Davy caught on quick.
“What’s gross?” Pestered Elia.
Davy piped in, “Don’t tell her, she will tattle.”
“No I won’t, I promised not to tattle today.” Elia smiled to herself at her cleverness.
“Okay, you promised,” said Donny. “If you don’t chew your spaghetti it turns into worms in your stomach.”
“Ewwwwe!” stretched Elia. “Why would mom give us spaghetti then?”
“Because grown ups always chew their spaghetti,” said Davy.
“And, if the worms stay in your stomach they crawl up your throat and out your mouth as you sleep.”
Elia made a horrified face as she clapped her hands over her mouth.
At dinner Elia just pushed her spaghetti around her plate.
“Are you feeling alright honey?” Asked her mom as she felt her forehead.
“I’m not hungry for spaghetti.” Came Elia’s weak response. She was so afraid they would make her sit at the table until she finished it.
Elia was excused from the table but she was still hungry. If she could not eat spaghetti because it might turn to worms then what would happen if she ate worms? Maybe the worms would turn into spaghetti in her stomach.
She carefully opened the front door and walked through the yard to the muddy flower garden. There was a nice big, fat worm wriggling around on top. Elia gingerly picked it up and brushed off the mud. She tried not to cringe as she put it in her mouth and swallowed it strait down.
You know, it kind of tasted like spaghetti.
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You may want to do a quick edit of capitalization and punctuation of dialogue. For example:
“But only if you promise not to tattle on us.” Finished Davy.
...should look like this:
“But only if you promise not to tattle on us,” finished Davy.
Notice the comma and the lower-case "f".
That's a really minor fix, in a story that was great fun to read.
I don't understand the use of the word 'stretched' in the sentence below.
“Ewwwwe!” stretched Elia. “Why would mom give us spaghetti then?”
Other than that, it was a very good read.