The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1016 times
Member Comments
How blessed we are when we obey. Thanks for the thoughts.
Very nice.
Good descriptions, and a wonderful message for all of us. Very nice.
I like the fact that you left the accusation to the readers' imaginations; that makes us all able to imagine what we'd do in the same circumstance.
It's great when God speaks directly to us, to encourage us. Seems the preacher had the gift of knowlege to know and the gift of wisdom to say it out meaningfully. Good write - thanks

Very nice story. I loved when the pastor's head nodded.
You touched on two things the gifts can do when put to use: increase our faith in God, and help us to choose to do right. Good story, that's very readable and clear.
Wonderful job of showing Cindy's reaction to the situation and how God answers prayers.
I just re-read your story, and I liked it even better the second time around. It carried such a great message that challenges us.
I love how you put your story together so that your MC could see the fruit of her gift, and the pastor's gift of preaching was revealed.
I liked this spiritual gift! It was different and out of the box sort of thing. I liked Cindy and especially the ending half of this story. Great job!
This is such a complicated issue for us all, yet you crafted a message so simple it just glides into our hearts.

I won't nick-pick but I do have a few suggestions.

First - I have a tendency to write my thoughts in backward sequence. Here's an example ... 'She listened and said nothing, remaining calm as the woman hurled one false accusation after another at her.' If you switch the first half and second half you come out with something like this ... As the women hurled one false accusation after another at her, she remained calm and said nothing.

The other thing I wasn't sure about was the word 'spiritual' in this sentence ... "Yes, there was no doubt this woman overreacted because of spiritual help from below." I'm thinking another word would be better but I'm not sure what.

Regardless, you did a wonderful job on the topic and crafting this story. I really loved reading it.
Very nice entry.

Here are my red pen comments:
I would have liked to see more of "the accuser" as she spoke to your MC. What did she look like? Give us a more detailed description of the interaction. (Flaring nostrils, red face, etc.)

While ALL your subject matter is important and well stated, I felt it got a little bogged down in the middle. I'm not sure I know how to explain it, but perhaps a little more showing here as well.

When the preacher shifts gears in mid sermon, I would have like to hear more about this later. Perhaps in his conversation with the MC.

It's really a very good entry and I love the look at her spiritual gift. Bravo.
I pretty much agree with Pat and Kristen. You're a great story teller. And I always enjoy what comes from your heart each week. Just a lil suggestion would have been to work on the opening presentation a little. Maybe the first line could have had her dodging the comments or something. You keep working. You have the heart of a great writer and you skills of communicating God's ideas gets better with each entry. Remain encouraged and keep writing and reading. God bless.
Hi LaNaye
Here are my 'red pen' impressions of your wonderful article. I think it would have been even stronger if you had dramatized what the actual problem at the beginning of the story was, using dialogue between the characters. An editor friend of mine kept telling me, "Show, don't tell, the story."