Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Gifts (of the Spirit or service) (11/22/07)
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TITLE: Obedience and Confirmation | Previous Challenge Entry
By LaNaye Perkins
11/27/07 -
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Thinking back, she knew when the woman drove up that evil was in control. She felt it. Then when the woman opened her mouth, she heard it. Yes, there was no doubt this woman overreacted because of spiritual help from below. When evil is in control, the simplest misunderstandings have a way of blowing up into all out war.
Going on to church she tried to get her focus back on God while the preacher delivered the sermon. Her thoughts kept going back to that morning’s confrontation. She prayed, asking God to help her bring all her thoughts into obedience to Christ. She knew that the same evil that controlled the woman was hard at work trying to get her to join in the fray. It was obvious the objective was to get her to react in a way that would bring dishonor to Christ. She prayed even harder, and asked God to also put a guard before her mouth in order that she would not sin against Him. She then turned her attention back to the sermon.
The preacher suddenly stopped what he was saying and bowed his head silently for a long moment. Then he nodded as though agreeing with some unseen speaker. When he started to preach again the subject of his sermon had changed. He began to speak on being silent before your accusers. He then related it to Jesus‘ silence before his accusers. The sermon then went on to discuss the importance of having a Christ-like attitude in all our trials. He even added that if a person found themselves tempted to yield to anger, they should pray for help. Their prayers should specifically ask for their thoughts to be brought into obedience to Christ. He also mentioned that it wouldn’t hurt to ask God to put a guard before their mouths in order to not sin against Him.
Years ago Cindy had asked God to give her the gift of spiritual discernment. Now, sitting quietly in her pew, a strange smile lit Cindy’s face as joyous tears filled her eyes. Once again she thanked God for blessing her with the gift she‘d requested so long ago.
There was no doubt today’s sermon had been custom made for her. It left her with the confirmation she had done what was right. On her way out of the building, she stopped to talk with the preacher. She told him that although the sermon may have seemed odd to him, it had made perfect sense to her. She then concluded by telling him what had happened that very morning.
With joy in her heart, Cindy left the church that day with renewed faith. She was also filled with confidence that God would never fail her.
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Very nice.
I won't nick-pick but I do have a few suggestions.
First - I have a tendency to write my thoughts in backward sequence. Here's an example ... 'She listened and said nothing, remaining calm as the woman hurled one false accusation after another at her.' If you switch the first half and second half you come out with something like this ... As the women hurled one false accusation after another at her, she remained calm and said nothing.
The other thing I wasn't sure about was the word 'spiritual' in this sentence ... "Yes, there was no doubt this woman overreacted because of spiritual help from below." I'm thinking another word would be better but I'm not sure what.
Regardless, you did a wonderful job on the topic and crafting this story. I really loved reading it.
Here are my red pen comments:
I would have liked to see more of "the accuser" as she spoke to your MC. What did she look like? Give us a more detailed description of the interaction. (Flaring nostrils, red face, etc.)
While ALL your subject matter is important and well stated, I felt it got a little bogged down in the middle. I'm not sure I know how to explain it, but perhaps a little more showing here as well.
When the preacher shifts gears in mid sermon, I would have like to hear more about this later. Perhaps in his conversation with the MC.
It's really a very good entry and I love the look at her spiritual gift. Bravo.
Here are my 'red pen' impressions of your wonderful article. I think it would have been even stronger if you had dramatized what the actual problem at the beginning of the story was, using dialogue between the characters. An editor friend of mine kept telling me, "Show, don't tell, the story."