Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Fellowship (among believers) (10/11/07)
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TITLE: Never Alone | Previous Challenge Entry
By Miriam Bradford
10/18/07 -
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I sit alone on this hard pew. I am feeling the regret and the overwhelming shame of my entire life. I feel this is the end for me. Life and all of its challenges are just too much for me; I begin to lose it. I sit here listening, feeling the need to leave. I can’t take it anymore. I grab my purse and my coat, as I reach to open the door, someone grabs my shoulder to turn me around and gives me a hug. I begin to sob uncontrollable. The more I cry, the more she hugs me.
She moves me to the same pew that I was escaping from and sits me down and slides next to me. She puts her arm around me and continues to consol me, as if I am an inconsolable child. Rocking and swaying with me. Swaying with the beat of the church and the music. I feel completely lost.
I begin to hear words coming from this person. It sounds like she’s talking to herself, but I am unable to fully understand what she is saying. She grabs tissue and hands me some, she whispers in my hear,
“I have been there. God delivered me and he can deliver you too.
“You need to give your life completely to him.”
I hear those words and I hang my head, ashamed of myself, knowing God wouldn’t accept me this way. She begins again and tells me,
“Jesus loves you just the way that you are; he will forgive you of all sins, no matter what you’ve done in the past. He will never remember them. He washes us with his precious blood, we all become “new” in his eyes.”
I slowly shake my head from side to side, knowing that she couldn't be right, not me. Knowing everything that I’ve done in my life. She sits and continues to sway with me to the music. The congregation sings, lifting their hands, completely surrendering everything to him. Praising this heavenly father that seems to exist for them.
She raises one arm in worship, keeps one around me. I begin to feel some comfort. I feel this warm sensation from the tip of my head and it slowly moves to my feet, tears continue to spill from my face. The sadness is washing away. I feel lighter. As she sings and sways, I lift my head up slowly to see through my tears. This kind woman of God turns to look me in the eye, she has tears streaming down her own face. Her face shows this peace and contentment, she opens her mouth and says,
“God has been waiting for you, and he is waiting with open arms.”
I think to myself, not me she can‘t be talking about me. God can’t love someone like me. As I look around I see others walking down the aisles, getting up from their sits, heading to the altar- as if their lives depends on it. No one walked alone. Each person had an arm wrapped around them, or someone holding their hand on this destiny path. I think, I can’t make it down that aisle. I didn't think I had it in me, not by myself. This woman turns to me and very quietly says,
“I will walk with you whenever you’re ready. You are never alone. Jesus is always by your side, and his love is forever.”
For a minute I look her in the eye and I see a love in her eyes that I have never seen from a stranger before. I look around the sanctuary and the congregation’s clapping and praising God even more, than before.
I turn back to her and say, “I’m ready”
With tears streaming down both of our faces, we get up from the pew, and I begin the walk that will change my life forever. I gave my life to Christ. No one ever knew that I had planned to take my life today. I believed I had nothing to live for.
As I look towards the Pastor and begin to speak words of repentance with everyone in the sanctuary, together we all opened our hearts to God’s unending love. Starting a new relationship, that gives me everything I will ever need, his love. Standing arm in arm with this woman I barely know I became new, never looking back, and I never felt lonely again.
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