The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
09/14/07
I really like the way you used clipped speech and short sentences to create the sound of ancient language only now translated into English. I could hear him speak.
09/16/07
Marvelous job with this character's voice--absolutely authentic.

A "lintel" is an architectural feature--I think you meant "lentil." I know, I'm such a nit-picker!

I really love this story--it's so hard to avoid anachronisms when writing about ancient times, and you did a wonderful job.
09/25/07
Stirring. I felt the tension buiding, and almost shouted "Halellujah!" when the Philistines were slain. Great writing.
Difficult when there's a word limit, but I wonder if we could have had some more involvement in the actual battle? True, the battle is the Lord's, but I got the impression that Shammah just stood there with his eyes shut.
Nonetheless, you caught the spirit of it really well.