The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/31/07
Love this one! The picture of your dad behind evokes a sense of God with us. I think you could extend the values of this story quite a lot, given more space. You certainly communicated the terror feeling!
I love slides and amusement parks, so I can relate to this.
The beginning of your story may need a little work but your switch is good and finishes strongly. Well done. chris x
09/01/07
I enjoyed this account of a childhood fear--almost felt like I was with you on that ride. And I like the way you tied it in with falling in love and taking a chance on commitment. Good job!
09/02/07
Awesome transition as you start down the slide. Nice little addition of your dad behind you grinning--given the problems you mentioned earlier. I can identify with him--kids of my own, and back surgery. The front end is a bit slow. It can be strengthened by shortening some of the sentences, or breaking them up. Nice work.
09/07/07
Congratulations, Trieste. In addition to your third place in Level 2, you entry has placed 21st overall. The Lists for the Top 15 in each Level and the Top 40 overall is available in the Weekly Results and Highest Rankings forum of our Faithwriters Message Boards.
09/07/07
Congratulations on your 3rd place. This is a great devotional piece. Nice writing.