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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write in the SCIENCE FICTION genre (05/10/07)
Shaving stubble, like fragments of steel wool, fall into a round metal sink and turn to rust. I look through the steam into a mirror smaller than my face, and watch as my whiskers turn from black to the same shade of orange. I drop my straight razor and it sounds like the car wreck that nearly killed me when I was seven. From behind me a space alien grows comic book arms and reaches through the bars of my jail cell to grab me by the neck, “I’ll squeeze a confession out of you. Tell me about your Saviour’s plan to become king of all the universe.”
I answer in a hoarse voice, “Private First Class United States Army.”
The alien now calling himself Lucifer twists my head like a corkscrew, “Not funny Army Ant. We know you have a weapon that destroys all sin.”
I sputter, “Serial number one zero zero, hometown Battle Creek Michigan.” Now Lucifer has me by my throat stretching his fingers in and out of the prison bars. “Not funny joker. I know you discovered a super explosive recipe for salt water taffy. What is it?”
I choke, “Substitute two tablespoons sea salt for the cornstarch and double the amount of glycerin.”
The alien quotes me Mathew 5:13 "But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?"
I scream dear Jesus send me Daniel who "God gave knowledge and understanding of all kinds of literature and learning. And Daniel could understand visions and dreams of all kinds."
And now I hear my wife as she is shaking me “Wake up, it’s past six, time for corn flakes and orange juice.”
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Shari Armstrong 
05/17/07
An good start, but it needs some paragraphing (new paragraph for a new speaker) to make it easier to read. I enjoyed the part about the saltwater taffy - :)
David Butler
05/21/07
The title caught my attention. I made the same mistake with the lack of spacing, so don't think I don't sympathize. Good idea making a dream out of the story. You can get away with a lot using dreams!
Dan Louise Mann
05/22/07
Nice! There is a lot in this compact little story. As the others have mentioned, I'm sure your next entry will have paragraphs to separate things out for easier reading (we live and learn :o) I like a lot of your phrases. Kudos to you for this entry.