The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write in the ROMANCE genre (04/19/07)
The woman sat by the man’s hospital bed and held his hand. He did not fight her now, as he would have if he had been well. The man was dying. She had thought about this day before; often in fact, when they had first been married. Those had been the hard years but that seemed so far away now. She was used to the man and all of his little rules; used to his spells, his dark moods. He was a music man after all. Weren’t they all moody sorts, the virtuosos?

She had met him long ago in a bar. He had been playing trumpet and she had just happened to sit next to him. “You aren’t supposed to meet Prince Charming in a bar anyway, so what did she expect?” she told herself when she was sad. He had been an alcoholic; looked terrible those first few months that she knew him.

“Why?” she said to no one in particular as she sighed and looked out the window. “Why, indeed.” She had asked herself that question many times over the years. The man stirred. She patted his hand and tried to settle him back down.

Yes, he was dying. She would be free again, but she would never be whole without him. From the day she had met him, somehow he had wormed his way into her heart. There was this invisible pipeline that no one see, break, or understand. She could feel him; feel all his ups and downs. It was heavy carrying him all of these years but what would he have done without her? He used to call her late at night before they were married. He would be drunk and she would listen. There would be desperation in his voice and she would always tell him to sober up and stop drinking. There was desperation in her too and she would cry after they hung up.

Many times she had prayed to God to take away these feeling she had; these feelings for him, but God never did. It was God’s will. She had finally resigned herself to that fact and they had been married. They had raised three girls, or rather she had raised them. He checked in once and awhile. There was little communication and little tenderness, but it had worked for her she thought. She was strong.

She looked at his handsome face and the hand she was holding. She had fallen in love with his hands before she had fallen in love with him. He always could stir her if she looked at him just right. As she sat watching him, he stirred and opened his eyes. “Are you still here?”

“Where would I go dear? I have always been here.” She smiled slightly.

Tears welled up in his eyes. “I’m afraid to die,” he said. “I’ve always dreaded this day because we won’t be married in heaven.” He started to sob and the woman looked away, embarrassed at his display of emotion. It was not like him.

“Don’t cry dear. You will be okay.” She had trouble looking him in the eye as she tried to comfort him. She was not good with this dying.

He continued, however. “Other men may have treated you better,” he gripping her hand tightly as he spoke. “They would have done a better job, but no one could have ever loved you more than I did.” He put his other hand over his eyes as he began to weep. “You were my arms. I never lived till there was you.”

She continued to hold his hand and pat it. “You will be okay dear. It will be okay.” She looked at the floor and just sat. The man looked away and continued to cry quietly.

She sat without speaking for a long time. She remembered it all. There were no words to communicate it right. There were just scenes flashing through her mind; good ones, bad ones, mundane ones. She finally spoke. “It was a good life,” she said and then she was quiet again. He looked at her and then looked away. She sat and patted his hand until he fell back to sleep. Sometime in the night he passed away. She saw him go and she kissed his cheek tenderly. “Yes, my dear, it was a good life,” she said softly as she laid her head on his chest. “It was a good life.”
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 1025 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
04/29/07
Interesting portrait of a tempestuous relationship. It's not all roses, is it? Creative approach.
Jan Ackerson
04/29/07
Interesting portrait of a tempestuous relationship. It's not all roses, is it? Creative approach.
Dan Louise Mann
04/30/07
I can identify personally with this relationship, and so I was drawn into the story. What was left unanswered for me by the end was which one of them, if either, was a Christian.

I note his comment: “I’m afraid to die,” he said. “I’ve always dreaded this day because we won’t be married in heaven.”

This is the only mention in the whole story of anything Christian-related, so I can't tell if she is a Christian and he knows it and has rejected it, so he knows they won't be together in heaven. If that is the case, it's sad that she didn't try to gently witness to him one more time, at a time when he might have been the most receptive in his entire life.

Or, despite his disreputable-sounding life, is HE actually a Christian and SHE is not, so he knows HE will be in heaven and SHE will not? However, if this were the case, I would think at the time of his dying, he would be begging her to make the decision for Christ, so probably that's not the case.

Okay, you can see that I'm just talking this out (over thinking it??) :o) But certainly this gave me something to ponder after reading your story. Kudos to you!
Jacquelyn Horne
04/30/07
Such a moving love. Quite a story. Good job.