The Official Writing Challenge
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This is interesting as an allegory, but maybe has some problems theologically? I wonder if it'd be more effective if it stayed in allegory mode, as a Master teacher passing his knowledge to his students...I'll have to think about this one.

Good use of descriptive language here.
The story is well-written and is entertaining as a creation myth, but the theological implications of having five creators is a bit disconcerting. If you ever used this elsewhere I would change Jesus' name to something else and tweak it a bit so it doesn't seem like you're presenting an allegory of the true creation.