The Official Writing Challenge
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A wonderful story. Everyone can realte to it. Excellent writing. Wonderful job. Keep up the great work.
This is very clever, and wonderfully written! A suggestion: you gave your antagonist poor grammar--a nice touch--but it was inconsistent. Maybe having him say "you don't have no right..." and a few other touches like that would emphasize his unsavory character. This is my favorite piece on this level--just excellent.
Very creative. It took me a while to clue in - but then, I'm a little slow! Good work. Great lesson skillfully fashioned.
I was intrigued by the officers in white uniforms; kept thinking it must have been a mental hospital. What a twist at the end! Great lesson!

I did get a little confused in the middle of the story just before Ann stepped into the office. Maybe I was reading too fast.
Great work. You set yourself a difficult task; allegorising bringing our thought captive, but you nailed it. Well done.