Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Melody (08/24/06)
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TITLE: The Melody of the Spirit | Previous Challenge Entry
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08/29/06 -
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“Picture yourself in a garden beside a cool, rippling lake. You stop to smell the roses and the daffodils, and then look up to see a rich, blue sky with wisps of cumulus clouds. Now picture yourself walking through the many rows and assortments of flowers, finding each one more beautiful than the last. You at last stop to see a gazebo in the center of the garden, with lilac bushes entwined in its lattice. Curious, you walk towards it, and after you ascend the stairs, you come to see something sitting in the middle. What do you see?”
Feeling a rush of excitement in my body, I immediately pictured an instrument, some sort of contraption that I had never seen before, that looked like a glass bowl with numerous pipes coming out of it. Instantaneously I knew what to do with this instrument. All I needed to do was blow, and the most beautiful, sweetest melody I could have ever imagined tumbled out of the body of the organ.
Many years passed, and I never quite understood what this fantasy meant or what it might symbolize in my life. The only explanation I can come up with was that the movement of the Holy Spirit was so free-flowing that one might only have to exert the effort to blow in order for the full power of God to emerge. And then the day came when I realized that the instrument represented a talent.
“Invest your talents and reap the harvest of your love,” I could hear from afar. And so, in answer to this call, I began to write.
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There is a bit of an over explanation at the beginning that makes getting into the story a little more difficult. The first two sentences seem extra to me. Also, rather than "the only explanation I can come up with" could be tightened to "I realize now...". Too much explanation clutters the sharpness of the writing.
Jump right into your points, because there's a lot of beauty there that shouldn't be lessened or covered by extraneous words.
I really did like this piece and very much appreciate your sharing.