Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Life (06/15/06)
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TITLE: A MOMENTOUS PAUSE IN TIME | Previous Challenge Entry
By Patricia Williams
06/18/06 -
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I awakened to a soft early March wind blowing. The sun was barely peeking through the window. I seemed to have awakened with a sense of intensity. I quickly opened the curtain and glanced towards the horse shed only to find Star looking towards my room. Her demeanor assured me she was in labor. My heart races with excitement as I throw on my clothes, grab the blankets and dash out the front door.
As I hurry to climb the fence Star's foul "plops" on the ground. Our eyes make contact as I hurry to her side reassuring her everything is fine as we work together to remove the sack of water from her new born. We were soon to learn she was the proud mother of a little filly.
It was very apparent that Star was overwhelmed with the awesomeness of what had just happened to her. The bonding with her foul was instantaneous. The placenta was delivered and
the birth was completed. Together we dried and cleaned up our long lanky legged little Buckskin. Instantly our little bundle began to root around hunting for breakfast. Star graciously
complied and let her nurse until she became weary and needed to nap.
Three days later the soft March winds turned into a fierce winter storm that produced eighteen
inches of snow. The shed had no door due to it having been prepared for the warmer weather. Mandie soon assured us she was the adventuresome type. Keeping her in the shed and out of the cold wet snow was a challenge. Hurriedly we hung tarps and fortified it with hay. Star had cared for her little charge all day. I decided to get my best sleeping bag and camp out in the shed with the girls. I hugged Star's neck and crawled into the sleeping bag. Mandie had claimed the blanket we had dried her off with as her very own "blanky." I'll never forget her dragging her blanky over and lying down on it next to me.
I lay quietly in the lamp lit shed and gently caressed Mandie's head. Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks as I surveyed the wonderful gift of life that God had let me experience.
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This piece reads like a journal entry. That is not a bad thing. But, I think this would work and flow much better if it were written as a story. (Add more description, dialogue, etc.)
Keep it up.