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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Personal Peace (06/01/06)
Illusional bliss, struck down in full bloom
Nightmares devise an unending doom,
Energy weakened, hunger is gone
Ecstasy longed for, faith is withdrawn
Drowning in helplessness, seeking relief
Preserving the last hope from pleasure’s old thief
Enemies swarming, I must find a way
As daylight is wilting, and darkness displays,
Come hither my helper, come hither my friend
Escape is so close, yet so far it extends

Guidance is needed, Refuge is sought,
Only worries beset me, and plague all my thoughts.
Distant beacon lies straight ahead,
I follow where my spirit is led.
Stirrings inside me, moving me forth,
Making the way to safety’s sweet port,
Yonder, there lies the place of my peace
Rapture’s in vision, I can now reach
Ever closer, moving still
Fear has left me, peace is near
Unconditional, my Father’s love
Guides my feet to realms above
Elation captured, freedom’s song, I now have found my Father’s home
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This article has been read 1137 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Julia May
06/10/06
Awesome poem - it flowed beautifully. Keep it up! In Christ's Love,

Julia
Brenda Craig
06/12/06
Wonderful poem! We all need to journey home. We are aliens here and peace is found only in Him no matter the situation. Thank you
Jan Ackerson
06/12/06
Wow, this must have been really difficult, sustaining rhyme and meter while keeping the acrostic, AND having it be rich in meaning--and you pulled it off. I think it could use a VERY minor tweaking for meter, which stumbles just a teensy bit. But this is a super job; I always appreciate wordplay and good poetry.
Dr. Sharon Schuetz
06/13/06
You did a really, really good job on this poem. I agree it must have been a challenge working it all together. Good job.
Joyce Reed
06/13/06
God Bless You. Beautiful poetry. Keep writing.
Only,
Joy
Sherril Wendling
06/14/06
A challenging project, an excellent message, pulled off with true literary flair! Bravo!

Here's a way you can take this excellent piece to new heights: "sizzle up" your verb forms. For instance, your opening line was very strong: "bliss struck down..." Notice how you used a strong verb, "strike" in an active past tense? The reader now expects to experience that same level of action emotionally throughout the piece.

A good number of the subsequent lines contain passive verb forms, which drop the reader's engagement level down a notch. Phrases such as "refuge is sought," "guidance is needed," and the one in the last line, "Have found my Father's home," are just begging for the same action level as your first line.

If this feels like a lot for me to lay on you at Level 1, please know you definitely have the goods to be wonderful poet, and I'm certain you're up to it! Have fun with this, and Keep Writing!

Pat Guy
06/20/06
This is AWESOME!

I very much enjoyed reading every word.

Wow!