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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: End (02/13/06)
"The day is here!" He shouts to all who follow him. " The end is at hand! Today will be the end and we will be victorious!"
Shouts of approval, aspirations and uplifting went around the assembly. The all have worked hard to bring this day to their desired climax. It is happening just as they envisioned. Jesus has been betrayed, been through torture, convicted at trial and has his cross on his back for crucifixion. His death and their victory is so close they all could taste it.
The hardest part of the plan happens today - watching and waiting. Patience is far from his strength. However, he hasn't survived this long without learning how to watch out for the enemy. He gestures and his generals follow him to a secluded room while the celebrations in the other room continue.
"You. You have been through several centuries of battle. Your weathered hide carries the scars. One only survives that long if they are good at watching out for the enemy. You will take point. I want your guard to keep an eye out for anything that looks like trouble. I want your guard to line up and down the path and a tight circle around the top of the hill. I want NO ONE to get through to Jesus. Do you hear?
"Good. You. I know you are a commander and have weathered a few centuries of battle, but you and your guard are under the first one's command. You obey him today. Understood?
"I will lead the third and fourth guards myself. We will be inciting the crowd and harassing Jesus. The rest of you, I want the rest of you to lay low in case of an ambush. We want to make sure all goes perfectly today. If we succeed today, victory is ensured. If we fail today, we lose the war. I'm not going to lose to HIM!"
As one of the mouths opened to supply a name another hand clobbers it shut. "NO NAMES! That will only draw his attention and THAT is the LAST thing we want! Got it? ... Good! Now everyone, time to end the celebrations and gather your men."
The day continues as planned without a single problem. The lack of problems worries him, but there was so much to do that he did not ponder the possibilities. There were rumors that legions of the enemy were about, but not a single lone enemy came close enough to be a threat. Finally, the final moment came. Jesus was suffering on the cross. Would Jesus die and be beaten? Would his father intervene? Every one around him was holding their breath and all were on guard for an attack. But no attack came. Jesus cried a despairing cry and it was over, they had won.
The earth shook, the sun hid and the temple was ruined. Yes, the father was mourning. He was defeated. Now was their moment of glory. As the cries rose from the wretched souls who followed Jesus, the guarding ones let out shouts of victory. The party began!
Of course, Jesus was not to suffer in this domain. Jesus was perfect; Jesus was innocent. So the party went on uninterrupted for three days. When the messenger arrived. Jesus was rising from the dead. This could not be! Only he had power over death, not Jesus! How could this be?
He gathered his top men and went for a meeting with the enemy. He demanded to know how this was happening.
He had missed the conditions of defeat. His lack of patience and his excessive pride was his own undoing. Jesus was able to rise because he was the only perfect being to die for the sins of all. Jesus paid the final price of the covenant that allowed dominion over death, innocent blood. He was no longer in control. He had lost. Worse, he had facilitated his own defeat. By driving for this crucifixion, he had done the will of his enemy and lost. Now, it was all over. The war has ended. Nothing left to do but to grab as many casualties as he could before the end was made final. Back to their home they went to regroup, refusing to let it end. All who were smart avoided him that for a while though. Those who were not, suffered greatly.
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This article has been read 935 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Virginia Gorg
02/23/06
Interesting view, but I'm not sure who is speaking in the story (or am I dense today?). Needs some space between paragraphs.
Dara Sorensen
02/24/06
I figured who it was in the story. Very interesting point of view.

Like the previous comment said, spacing between paragraphs will make it easier to read.

Good take on the theme though!
Shari Armstrong 
02/24/06
Creatively done! Reminds me of Carmen's song :) Nice job of telling it from the real enemy's point of view!
Anita Neuman
02/24/06
You did a great job of catching us up in the action. Great imagination! And you are definitely on the right track as far as developing your craft goes. Keep it up!
Lynda Schultz 
02/24/06
Very interesting perspective. And I especially liked: "Worse, he had facilitated his own defeat. By driving for this crucifixion, he had done the will of his enemy and lost." We spend a lot of time watching out for our enemy so I think it's wonderful to be reminded that he's watching out for us (or should be if we are doing what we should as believers). Good job.
Jan Ackerson
02/24/06
This is a good job, a unique perspective, and good writing skills. A few things to consider: sometimes you wrote in past tense, sometimes in present. And the beginning was far more engaging than the end. You've got a great start here--as you work on honing your craft, you'll get better and better.
Garnet Miller 
02/24/06
Interesting. Were you speaking from the point of view of a minion of Satan? I thought it was good. I too had the same problem with the tenses. The story would work in either tense but not both at once. Either someone is telling it as it happens or as if it happened a time before. I did like your take on the crucifixion. My husband's favorite saying in his sermons is "If Satan had known what would have been the outcome of Jesus' death, he would never have wanted him crucified."

Thanks for sharing your article!