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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Vanity (11/15/18)
Appearances can be deceiving. There once was a beautiful woman. She had long dark hair, dazzling eyes and a breathtaking smile. Her appearance was one that often was found to be captivating. She was stylish, graceful, had good manners and was well educated. She was kind to the sick and the poor. She tended to her family, friends and neighbors. This woman maintained all the boxes with great pride. She did it for years rather brilliantly by the world’s standards.

Each night the woman sat before her vanity as she did every night and took stock in herself. She smiled at her look and it smiled back at her. She was more than well pleased with herself. She was beyond proud of her appearance. She boasted of her education regularly and reported her good deeds as though she were earning badges on a sash.

She deeply enjoyed replaying the activities of the day in her mind as she admired herself in the mirror. Deceiving herself though, as she got to reviewing her encounters with those of whom she didn’t care for, she glossed over that. She ignored how the sparkle in her eye dimmed. Never mind why she didn’t like them or why the look in her eye changed. The reasons didn’t matter. The people were beneath her and she didn’t need bother with those thoughts. So she began to spin.

Spinning kept her busy. If she wasn’t busy running around keeping up her appearance than she was busy spinning her lies. Lies to herself that she had it all together. The biggest lie she believed was that it didn’t matter how she treated those few people she deemed unworthy of her kindness, grace and mercy.

For as much strength as she set about to do good for those she loved, she used equal amounts to go about destroying others; like it was a hobby. There was no stopping her wrath. Where her wrath came from was a true mystery to the unfortunate souls for whom this woman detested. For once she didn’t like you, she made your life miserable. All the while she claimed herself innocent. She would wag her finger and shake her head at her self-proclaimed enemy. Not allowing them a chance at any type of survival until she was satisfied by her wrecking of them. This side of her she managed to keep hidden to those who she captivated. For they were blindsided by the curse too.

The woman had no idea she had been preyed upon. For she had been among the crowd at an estate sale. The man in charge had been an evil man. He was aware of the curse on the vanity. Rather it was on the mirror itself and its powers. When he had seen the woman’s striking beauty, he had known how easily she would be tempted by the mirror. Once she gazed upon the mirror, it would likely do the rest. The sale had been rather easy.

Years went by. The woman each night sat before it admiring herself and all her accomplishments. The curse on the mirror embellished them to her. The woman easily began to perceive some others as beneath her. Before long she became their judge and jury. Anytime a glimpse of the truth about her actions started to shed light on her heart, the curse on the mirror took hold of her and the spinning of lies began.

Until one faithful night…

The woman sat before the vanity. It had been a longer day than usual. Many things had come to pass. The woman noticed herself looking back in the mirror. She saw that her eyes didn’t hold that familiar gleam. For a moment her heart had a chance to wonder.

Just as soon as her heart wondered, it deceived itself. It told her to begin the spinning. That’s what she needed to do, she thought. With one spin though, the woman found herself flat on the floor looking up at the bottom of the vanity. What she saw was quite curious.

There was a key taped to the bottom. What was even more peculiar was the secret hidden drawer on the bottom side of the vanity. As you can guess the woman unlocked it. Inside she found a Bible. Upon opening it the curse was broken forever. The woman immediately saw herself for the first time, the good and the bad. Best of all she saw the Truth.
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This article has been read 472 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Larry Whittington
11/22/18
It seemed like there was more written about the woman's care for herself than needed. The story could have flowed along a little more rapidly.
Claudia Barrington
11/22/18
GREAT story and message. BUt...it needs to be tightened up a lot. Condense, combine ideas, and cut length by 1/3. It repeats the same ideas over and over in too many ways. That is my opinion, and that being said, it is wonderfully creative. Would make a good fairy tale story for pre-teen or teenage girls.
Tom Show
11/23/18
Interesting article, however its disjointed, repetitive and to long. Scriptural references would be a plus. Looking forward to future writings.
Claudia Barrington
11/24/18
What if everyone who posted in Challenge entries also commented on/critiqued at least three others? I'm shocked that so many post, and so few read and post a review for others. It seems only a few people have the courtesy to critique but would like the critiques on their own. I am new here, and originally was excited about this site. If you are one who DOES regularly read and comment on others work, then may the Lord bless you mightily and publish you quickly.
Linda Lawrence 
11/25/18
This story has great potential and is worth spending time on, editing carefully. The above suggestions are a good place to start. I think you meant 'fateful' - not 'faithful'. You've made a good beginning!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/28/18
This is a charming idea. You show the worst of what vanity can do. You have some great descriptions. You do more telling than showing, but with practice, this can be fixed easily. The beginning is so important these days. You need to grab your reader right away before they click to another story. For example, I might suggest something like this: The woman plopped down in the chair and stared at the mirror. Picking up her brush, she stroked her long, black hair. "Look at how it shines! Oh I bet everyone I saw today marveled at my glistening hair." Leaning in, she rubbed cream into her face. The results made her smile. She noticed her teeth were so white, she cringed when she thought of her co-worker's yellow teeth. <i>No wonder she always compliments me and I catch her sneaking peeks at me. I'm gorgeous.<i> (the brackets and I show up in italics in html, which demonstrate thoughts.)

I took some liberties, but I wanted to tighten it up to show you how easily it can be done while still saying pretty much the same thing. I left out any clichés. Your own words will almost always be more powerful. The biggest thing I tried to do is show, not tell. By using body language, thoughts, and dialog, you can paint a picture for your reader.

You do a great job of tackling the topic. By tightening some of it, you'll have more words to describe her actions. Perhaps consider including another person, add dialog between the two. I'm not quite sure what you meant by maintaining boxes, but by painting a picture, it might be easy to figure out.

I thought the ending was lovely. The message is outstanding and even brought a tear to my eye. Often we search for happiness in all the wrong places and little do we know the answer is just mere inches from us. It's a powerful ending. You've built a great foundation here. I've found that the more I read and leave constructive feedback, the better my own writing becomes. It can be daunting at first, but I'd love to encourage you to leave constructive comments on every article in your level and maybe two or three from each of the others. You may feel new to writing, but remember we write for the readers, not other authors, and I bet you've been reading since you were little. You really have a great foundation here, and I can feel your passion.