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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Home (01/09/06)
James sat in his brand new truck at the side of the road, thumbing through the paper. He couldn’t wait till he got home to look at the real estate section. He was itching to buy a new house. His current house was only 2300 square feet and he wanted bigger and better. Maybe 4300 sqare feet. Wouldn’t his wife and daughter love that.
A knock on his window startled James, and warily he looked up from his paper to see a ragged man motioning for him to roll down the window.
Not wanting to, but feeling he didn’t have a choice, James rolled down the window about an inch. He wasn’t scared, you just didn’t know these days. James didn’t say anything, just looked at the man expectantly.
“Excuse me sir,” the man said in a quiet voice. “When you pulled over to the curb you ran over my sign. Could you move your truck back please so that I can get it. I would appreciate it.”
James nodded and put the truck in reverse, half embarrassed and half annoyed. He backed up a little ways and watched the man bend over slowly, one hand on his knee the other reaching for the sign. James just sat there staring, not quite sure what to do. The man took his free hand and began swiping at the dirt on the sign that now had a tire track in the middle of it. James was about to go back to his paper, he had been reading about this great house, when the words on the sign caught his attention and paralyzed his motions. The sign said “ No home. Please help with food”.
Before James realized what he was doing he was driving away from the curb with the man beside him. James questioned himself as he headed to Denny‘s . He was crazy. This man could be a murderer or a terrorist. He watched the man out of the corner of his eye. The man held his hands up to the heat and smiled as he surveyed his plush surroundings. James wanted to vomit at the smell of the man but he ordered his body to just chill. The man saw the real estate section and picked it up.
“Looking for a new house,” the man inquired.
James nodded but couldn’t speak. He felt funny talking about new houses with this man.
“Some fine looking homes here,” the man continued not seeming to notice James silence. “I remember building my house. Why, it was something…” The man began to tell his story, how he had built house after house going bigger and better every time. His wife had begged him to stop but he hadn’t listened. He figured when it was all said and done she would thank him for the life of luxury he provided. He worked day and night so that his family would have the best. Only, while he worked his children grew up and his wife moved on. Only when the house was empty did he realize what he had done. He sold it and everything he owned and had been traveling ever since.
At Denny’s the man ate like it had been awhile since he had a meal. He thanked James and started to walk away.
“You going to be okay,” James shocked himself by asking.
“Of course,” the man said sadly. “I’m used to being alone.”
James tried to take the man to a shelter but the man politely refused saying he was moving on towards the next town.
As James drove to his house, he reflected on the days events. He wondered if God was trying to tell him something. Actually, he was sure of it.
When he stepped through his door, his wife greeted him with a smile.
“You’ve been gone quite a while,” she said. “Out looking at houses?”
“Don’t need a new house,” James said quietly. “I got what I need right here.”
He pulled his wife to him for an embrace just as his daughter came running.
“Daddy, Daddy, you’re home.”
That night James said a special prayer of thanks for his many blessings as he put the trash into the garbage can. The real estate section was on the top.
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This article has been read 785 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
01/16/05
If the man sold everything he owned, and he simply chose to be homeless and "on the road", wouldn't he have money, and not have to beg? Nevertheless, I'm glad that James learned this very valuable lesson.
Katherine Douglas
01/17/06
I agree with Jans' comment
I think the article was thought provoking, however the question of why was the man begging is predominant. Maybe if you decide to write more you could answer that question in the man dialouge
Andria Cook
01/23/06
First of all, let me say, I am happy you went here with the story. It was an issue that most of us turn away from.

Let's start here with my critique. I was a little disappointed that you didn't explore more of the heart-wrenching emotion of this situation. The man casually told his story from the reader's perspective, and I'm sure when you wrote it, you felt emotion. Capture that, and put it to words.

Second of all, put yourself in both of their shoes, and rewrite this. This is the perfect piece to capture emotional writing.

Good luck!