The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/28/16
We've discovered a very similar treasure trove of my MIL's diaries, and it's fascinating to go through them.

Some polishing up of sentence structure and minor errors in writing mechanics would really make this shine. Also, I'd like to see a better takeaway for the reader--the ending is a bit on the weak side.

Your attention to details--the chair, the leg cramps--adds to the effectiveness of your piece.
This is a darling story. I liked the beginning. You pulled me in with the grief conflict. I emphasized with the MC.

The one thing I might suggest is to show the emotion with body language and thoughts. For example: She sat in Grandma's chair for the first time, trembling with tears trickling down her cheeks. I can't believe Gram will never sit here again.

I think you covered the topic in a fun and interesting way with a nice twist. My mom did something quite similar. I could see the ending coming, but I still thought it sweet and I liked how she "finished" Grandma's calendar.
Is this the last chapter of a book and the next chapter is going back to what is on the 1931 calendar. What a beautiful story that would make.

Nice beginning and nice ending now we want to hear the "rest of the story".
10/31/16
What a delightful read and great writing! I didn’t want it to stop.
11/01/16
I was engaged in this sweet story from beginning to end. I thought it flowed well, except the end seemed just a little choppy. Overall - one of my favs this week.
11/02/16
This brought back memories of my own grandma. Memories are a treasured gift to hang onto.

You drew me into your story right from the get go.

I felt your ending started out okay but the last of couple lines were difficult to follow how it fit in with the rest of your story.

Nice writing overall.
Congratulations on ranking 1st in your level and 17 overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
11/30/16
Congratulations on your 1st place level win.
Your story gave the written word credence as a keepsake able to be stored for future eyes to absorb.