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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: PROCRASTINATE (08/04/16)
My Mini-Earthquake - True Story

Waking up early has always been easy for me most of my life. However, the wonderful warmth of a comfortable bed and that little extra rest does wonders for recharging tired, stressed bodies and minds. That is if you do not have a date with God every morning. Starting on my Christian journey was the most exhilarating experience of my life. Waking up early each day during the summer months was amazing watching the sky lighten and hearing the birds chirping away, smelling fresh baked bread from the bakery down the road and listening to God speak. Those moments seem like true treasures set in time. However with the arrival of winter those early mornings became difficult for me. The dark chilly winter mornings with frosty windows gave me an excuse to stay in bed late. But negotiating with God is not quite like that.

The still small voice calling me to wake up and pray is powerful and my negotiation of asking for 5 more minutes rest gave me that extra luxury of being snuggled and warm. That time past and the still small voice repeated and of course I did procrastinate and ask for another 5 minutes of rest. And so another 5 minutes passed and then the still small voice was silent and an earthquake shook my bed so violently. My heart almost exploded out of my rib cage as I flung my blankets off and knelt down to pray immediately, regardless of the floor moving from side to side and my bed shake, windows and doors vibrating and trying to keep my balance whilst kneeling. I knew this earthquake was not nature but God trying to get me to stop procrastinating and get up and talk to him.

From that moment on I knew that the still small voice is gentle as it may be is also from the very God that created this earth. He is an all powerful and mighty God that can display who he is at any time he wants. I still struggle in this area and I know that I am not alone, as I keep putting off writing, reading, praying, spending time with God and sleep a little while longer. Hopefully there will not be anymore mini-earthquakes to get me to pray each day as I humbly kneel down and give a word of prayer to God each morning.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
08/11/16
You did a nice job on this devotional. I smiled about the mini-earthquake. Personally, I call it God throwing bricks at me. He does work hard to get our attention doesn't he? It's almost impossible to ignore an earthquake or falling bricks.

I'd encourage you to really dissect your first paragraph. I think you'll be surprised at what you see. Of the eight sentences, three start with an ing word, two with However and a couple of incomplete sentences. Once someone told me almost every paragraph in my began with a name or pronoun. I remember rolling my eyes thinking it was a huge exaggeration, but when I looked I saw almost every sentence began that way. I've learned that mixing up the sentence structure is super important. You did a far better job than I did. If editing this piece I'd probably suggest you switch it up with something like this: Beep. Beep. Beep. Groaning, I rolled over and smashed my hand down on the snooze button on my alarm clock. I only need five more minutes. Although I didn't use to have a problem waking up, lately, the wonderful warmth of my comfy bed and a few extra minutes of sleep seemed to call my name. Fortunately, someone else also called my name. I've had a standing appointment to meet with God first thing in the morning ever since I became a Christian.

That's just a really quick way to show you how adding onomtopeia, dialog (internal or real), and body language can paint a picture for your reader and pull her in right off. I also avoided using the universal you, which can feel off-putting to some people.

I think you have a delightful sense of humor. You're honest about your shortcomings, but use them in such a way that the reader can relate. You have a great message. It's clear and one that many people can relate to. You did a great job of covering the topic. I liked your ending too. I thought it brought the story full-circle. You did a great job.
Toni Babcock 
08/12/16
I get Shann's comments, because as I read this article I found myself reading sentences over and over to get the gist of the narrative. Loads of potential here - just some polishing and sentence structure adjustments, along with tips Shann shared will really make your writing come to life...
Larry Whittington
08/15/16
This is a well written true life story. One from the heart. One that shook the emotions, at least your emotions.

If a Bible verse were added it might become a serious teaching devotion. I could be reminded by these from time to time.

Nice work.