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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: North (05/05/16)
Which Way?
Peggy’s Dad and Mom had just found out that she was pregnant. “Do you know what that will do to my business?” her mother had shouted at her. Mom was an authority on raising children and wrote articles for magazines on the subject.

Dad had just looked at her with a cold stare and finally announced, “You need to either get rid of this ‘problem’ or you need to get out of here.” Dad was a teacher and girls’ basketball coach at a nearby private high school. Having his teenage daughter pregnant would really make him look bad.

Peggy had fled up the stairs to her bedroom sobbing. She called Tim, the baby’s father. The two had met at a sports camp three years ago, and they had dated ever since. He was two years older than Peggy and in college on a basketball scholarship.

“Tim, my parents have told me that I either need to get rid of this baby or leave home. My condition will really mess up their lives.”

There was silence for a few seconds, then Tim said, “Peggy, I can’t marry you now. I will only finish college because of this scholarship. Money is tight, and I couldn’t support you and a baby yet. Are you sure they are serious? They really want you to leave?

“Oh yeah. They’re serious. I know them, and this is final.”

“I hate to think of you getting rid of the baby, our baby.”

“I love you, Tim. I don’t know who else to turn to. Thank you for not wanting me to get rid of the ‘problem’. I don’t want to either.”

“Peggy, I want you to come here tonight. You know where I live, and you can stay with me tonight. I promise you that nothing will happen, you know ... That will give you a place for tonight, and we can talk some more. Will you do that?

“I will leave here just as soon as my parents are in bed. I don’t even want to talk to them or to let them know where I am going. I am so mad at them.”

Three hours later, Peggy crept past her parents’ closed bedroom door, down the stairs and out the door. She put her belongings into her car and started the engine. She glanced up at her parents’ bedroom window, but no light came on.

When Peggy rolled up to Tim’s place, his light was still on. He welcomed her with a warm hug. They talked into the wee hours of the morning. Finally, Tim said, “We need to get some sleep. I’ll sleep on the couch, and you can have my bed. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

She nodded her head as she covered a huge yawn with her hand. She really didn’t think she would be able to sleep, though.

She did sleep, although fitfully. When both she and Tim were fully awake and she had washed her face in the morning, they sat down to toast and coffee, ready to make a plan.

Tim offered his idea. “I have a cousin in Bentley, six hours from here. I talked to her last night, and she would be willing for you to stay with her. She’s really nice, Peggy. I know you would like her. Would you go to her?”

Peggy looked at him through misty eyes. “I guess. I don’t have many options. Mom and Dad aren’t any help. Their relatives would judge me just as they did.”

As Peggy drove away from Tim, her mind began to race. Did she really want to drive six hours to be with someone she had never met? Tim had given her enough money for gas to get there, but then what? She would have to find a job, go to school, be alone.

Thirty miles out of town, the road t-boned into a larger highway. The sign in front of her pointed north to Bentley or south to a total unknown. She just sat there for a while pondering which way to go. Finally, she turned her car and headed north. North to a future that would hold a loving person to walk with her through her pregnancy. North to a new school where she would find friends who wouldn’t judge her. North to a new relationship with Jesus who would help her heal and reunite with her own family. North to a new life, a good life.
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This article has been read 395 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
05/12/16
Great job with this!
Well done,

Blessings~
Bonnie Bowden 
05/13/16
I liked your ending. I hope the MC and her parents can work out their problems.
Pat Small
05/13/16
Good story on an important subject. Well done.
Noel Mitaxa 
05/17/16
You've covered a lot of emotional territory here, and you have sustained the tension very well.
I like your close, though I think the word limit has pushed you a little.
You have introduced us to a much longer story, which I think could work very well.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/18/16
I think this is a great idea for a story. I could totally relate to the MC. I remember telling my parents that I was pregnant at 18. My mom said, "What will my friends think?" It wasn't the support I was hoping for, but after the shock wore off, my parents were amazingly supportive.

The dialog didn't feel natural to me. I'd also urge you to add more body language too. For example, I might suggest something like this:
Peggy bowed her head and felt her cheeks grow hot. "Mom, Dad, I'm pregnant." She squeezed her eyes shut and slumped her shoulders.
Mom slapped the table as she shouted at her fifteen-year-old daughter. "My business will be ruined! Who will take my parenting articles seriously once they find out my only daughter got knocked up?“
Dad furrowed his eyebrows and glared at Peggy. His voice sounded so cold and calculated, Peggy shivered. “Either get rid of it or get out.”

I really did like the article and with some tweaking and editing, I think you have a powerful story that will speak to teens and parents alike. Almost everyone could relate to this on some level, and I think you did a great job with it. If you ever decide you do want to do more with it, I'd be happy to help in any way I can. I think it's an article that has huge potential and believe God had great plans for it.
Tanika Feaster
05/18/16
Really enjoyed reading this, especially liked the ending. There was alot of emotional build up and then we were able to "breathe" at the end. The introduction was good, but I think it would have been a little better if you had led up to the pregnancy instead of stating it up front by putting the statement made about what mom said about what would people think and dad's expression first, then explaining that the main character was pregnant.
Good job!