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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: REDUCE (11/05/15)
REDUCE

Why can’t I ride the big kid rides

I stood in the mirror for what seemed like the 500th consecutive week, having not grown an inch. I began to accept the fact that I was not going to get any taller, but I still wanted to know why. Why was I able to watch all of the other teenagers in the neighborhood grow, seemingly overnight? I struggled to understand why they were getting taller, and I wasn’t. It didn’t seem fair.

Before you ask, yes I have tried just about everything. I changed my diet to the new “tall people’s” diet. I asked people what I could do about getting bigger every day. I talked bigger; I walked bigger. I did all the things that a person wanting to be bigger does, but nothing seemed to work.

What’s at stake? Everything is at stake! When we go out, people naturally notice tall people first. I can’t even get on the big kid rides at the county fair because I didn’t measure up. I was not getting any taller, had no clue why.

Who do you ask such questions? How does someone deal with matters of the height? Can you purchase height at the local market? Can one get taller simply by acting taller? Moved to tears (and even my tears seemed short!), I decided to lay down and take a nap. I had the strangest dream.

There was a chef on TV. He was making some sauce for some meat he was cooking. He said that the sauce he was cooking was called a “reduction.” The longer you let it cook on the stove, the more it reduces. The more it reduces; the better the sauce would take.
I looked at the chef’s name tag; his name was John. He wasn’t that tall, but he spoke big. He talked while he cooked, and spoke as a man with great knowledge and wisdom. He talked about the chef who was working the shift after his. He talked about how great his food was (John 6:35), how satisfying His water was (John 7:37-39). John went on to say that the chef coming after me was going to be greater than he was. John, like his sauce, was born to be a reduction. In our lives, everyday Christ should become a greater and greater part of our lives, and we should become just like that sauce, less and less about us and more and more about Him.
I woke up happy, and hungry.
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This article has been read 565 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Trudy Newell
11/13/15
I enjoyed this. I laughed at the "tall peoples diet."
A very creative take on the topic. John, the chef, now I would not have come up with that.
One red ink - you need to spell out five hundredth time.
May God bless as you keep writing!
Donna Powers
11/13/15
This is pretty adorable, but I have to admit I found having the character of "John" be a chef to be a bit confusing. I also loved the "tall people's diet."
Maretha Retief
11/14/15
I enjoyed reading this, especially your last paragraph and the way you dealt with the topic.

The use of John and Jesus was a fresh and interesting way. I thought it was really good and creative.

Well done!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/14/15
I love the musings of this thirteen-year-old innovator (give or take a few weeks). As much as I want people to give constructive feedback, remember they (including me) may not always be right or you may not agree with their opinion. Numbers up to ten should be written out, and many suggest writing them out up to one hundred. You have a delightful sense of humor. You had me giggling throughout. I'm surprised your MC didn't try stretching himself by hanging from the monkey bars.

I think if you had another character come in and ask the questions, it would have flowed better. For example, you could do something like this:
My brother, Jimmy, watched me as I tried my latest idea-- hanging from my legs, upside down on the jungle gym.

Snickering, Jimmy shook his head. "That might get you longer legs, but the rest of you will still be short. I don't get it. Why is being tall such a big deal?"

Straightening my knees, I plopped onto the ground. I quickly jumped up and tried to brush off the dirt nonchalantly. "Everything's at stake! When we go out..."

I hope that gives you an idea of how using actual dialog and body language can bring a story to life.
Also be careful about matching tenses. For example this line the verbs don't match:
I can’t even get on the big kid rides at the county fair because I didn’t measure up.
It's easy to fix though, it should be I couldn't, and I didn't or I can't and I don't.

Overall, I think you did a wonderful take on the topic. I liked your reverse take on it in the beginning and then the TV show brought it up in another way.

I really enjoyed your character. He felt real and likable. Your message at the end was great. I think it was creative, fresh, and out-of-the-box. Your ending left me smiling and reminded me of how much I am loved.
Gloria Pierre Dean
11/19/15
I enjoyed you way of pointing us to Him.
The focus of our lives is not what we see in the mirror but on Who He is in us; and that take spiritual vision.