The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/15/15
Wow! What a moving testimony. It reminds me of the four men in the furnace. Angels or Christ himself protected them from getting burned.
06/16/15
Wow! What a miracle!
It would help the reader if you left an extra line between paragraphs. (I made that same mistake when I first entered the Challenge.)
Keep writing.
This is a compelling story. I think you have a few great messages in this piece. My favorite, because I can relate, is with God in my life, no day is ordinary. It's so easy to get in a rut and go through the motions. Your gripping tale reminds me not to take the mundane for granted.

I'd urge you to tighten it up some. For example your beginning could be tightened and passive sentences be turned into active ones like this:As Thanksgiving approached, I could feel the excitement. I enjoyed spending time with my family, and I was shopping about an hour away when my phone trilled. My chest pounded with a sense of impending doom.

I tightened it, and then I added some emotions to build the suspense and pull the reader in. I'm not saying one way is better than the other, but sometimes it helps to see it another way to allow you to decide which way works best for you. Also remember to write out numbers at least to ten, and many say to a hundred (third degree, four hours away).

I think you did a nice job with this one. Add some scripture and a prayer and you have the makings of a great devotion. If you haven't submitted a devotion to FW daily devotion yet, I'd encourage you to do so. You have a great gift of sharing how God has reached out to you in your time of need. Your words will touch people in ways you might not ever imagine.