Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write for the FANTASY and/or SCI FI Genre (10/16/14)
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TITLE: Oh for a sonic screwdriver! | Previous Challenge Entry
By alan kane
10/22/14 -
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On solo races you need to be a master at navigation, piloting and engineering. Regrettably, four months ago I had a major technical fault in the communications system of my Titan 4 solo race cruiser. Even my 'Communications for Dummies' books (my nickname for the technical manuals) didn't help. Nothing but static! I even stripped the system to the core but no change. I used to be able to chat with other racers, race organisers and even my old Mum back on earth, but now all I hear is silence. It's the silence that is driving me crazy. Being in a solo race is one thing I can live with, for I do enjoy my own company – but this is just torture. I have now watched my favourite film 86 times. I never thought I would think about giving up, but now I could. Even started to think about deep subjects like creation and Heaven and Hell. I really must be going crazy! In my reckoning, I still have another 5 months till I finish this race.
Really must fix the communications, for I am sure I could cannibalise parts from the video holo- emitters. Seen that film now too many times. Have even started seeing it in my sleep.
Personal log: day 288. Emergency lighting running low. Will I ever learn? I should have just watched the film again. I started to fix the communications systems, even succeeded in getting it to work and was starting to close up, when the ship was hit by space junk. Stupid 2092 Solar-lympic Games thought it would be fun to launch promotional stuff into space for it to fall back to earth like the greatest fireworks show ever. Only problem is, it didn't work. Instead, it exploded out into space and, 43 years later, I collided into one of the unrecovered pieces. Unfortunately, during the impact I dropped a screwdriver into the main power system. I am extremely fortunate to even have life support, let alone some lighting. I must have accidentally disabled the impact sensors; what a rookie mistake!
Personal log: day 289. Have had to concede, can't get the systems restored. Have had to press the emergency space recovery button. I will be the laughing stock of the 4 inhabited planets in the Sol Solar System. Fouled by a simple screwdriver! Blah!
Personal log: day 291. Lighting finally gone and heating is on minimal. Whoever would have thought racers would need sub-zero clothing? But you do learn to always be prepared.
Personal log: day 293. Hopefully rescue will arrive soon – the softly flashing light of the main control terminal is driving me totally nuts. I remember reading about an ancient system called Morse, which used breaks in sound or light to make an alphabet. If I get out of this alive, I think I might learn it. Really at desperation point.
Personal log: day 294. God please take me home! Have run out of coffee.
Personal log: day 296. There seems to be a strange noise from outside. I don't believe it! I must be hallucinating. There really must be a God. You will never guess who has answered my mayday call – the Mars 2nd Church of the Blessed Cross ladies' annual week-long outing! I may have been rescued and on tow, but not sure if I really can sing another verse of The Blessed Cross again.
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Great job!
Mars 2nd Church of the Blessed Cross ladies' annual week-long outing!
Excellent job!
God bless~
Loving you in and through and because of the Christ, Judi
1 Timothy 3:16 KJV
I think I would encourage you to switch up the formatting some so it actually looks more like a log. I can't really do that here, but if you want me to show you what I mean, send me a PM. Also, remember that it's a personal log so make sure the language and dialog fits that. If it were a ship's log meant to be read by others, the style would be more formal. Here you tend to mesh the two together. For example, to make it more personal, I might do something like this: Oh, what a fool I was to think I could fly in the first ever Solo Sol Space Race. This has to be the biggest mistake I ever made. I hate to admit it, even to myself, but I think I'm turning a wee bit loco. For example, I just used the words wee bit loco. Did I somehow turn into a crazy Irish-Spaniard? Oh, but I digress, though space has a way of playing tricks with the brain. Why I remember when I raced in the Mars to Venus race. Oh but I digress again. Getting back to my main problem...I don't want to die all alone on the Solo Sol Space Race. Why didn't I bring someone alone with me? I know, I'm digressing again!
I know I went a bit off script there in the end, but I wanted to show you one way to show the reader the MC is losing it a bit rather than just tell them. Even in a journal piece, you can still create vivid pictures for your reader.
I also liked your sense of humor, the way you are able to brilliantly come up with an idea like this and use alliteration to make it seem even weirder than it might on its on. I think you write to entertain people and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You managed to achieve it with me as I was thoroughly entertained. I would guess there are probably a lot of space stories this week, but in my opinion you took a unique twist on it and made it interesting and fun. Your beginning immediately hooked me and I felt eager to read more.
I loved the ending and think it sends out a powerful message without being preachy. Who among us has not cried out for God's help then grumbled a bit at the way the help was sent. Maybe I'm the only one who has ever looked at God and said, Seriously? That's your answer? Your piece reminded me to be thankful for all of the times God has rescued me, even if I'd have preferred it done with a bit more grace. I find, in the end though, he does know best and often teaches me a valuable lesson, but I digress...;)
Well done...so happy for you.
God bless~