Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Endless (01/09/14)
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TITLE: A Place to Belong | Previous Challenge Entry
By Michele Fleming
01/15/14 -
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Halfway between the gas station and home sat a small Baptist church. It’s quaint appearance was a welcomed sight in this rough, urban landscape. Even though it seemed out of place, Dara felt drawn to it. For, like the small country church in the middle of a big city, she, too, didn’t quite seem to fit in around here. She had always felt out of place, no matter where she went or what she did.
“Miss, is there something I could help you with?”
Dara didn’t realize she had stopped walking and now stood directly in front of the church. She also hadn’t noticed the man working in the flower garden, until his deep voice resonated across the courtyard. Embarrassed to be caught staring, she stood frozen, afraid to speak.
The man began walking toward her.
“Miss, are you alright?”
Finally finding her voice, she spoke.
“Oh, no. I am fine. I was just admiring the church.”
“It is a beauty, isn’t it?” He turned to get a peak for himself.
“Yes, it is.”
“Not quite what you would expect in this area.”
She laughed.
“No.”
“You should see the inside. “
“Oh, no. I couldn’t.”
“Well, doors are always open. You know. . . If you change your mind.”
“Ok, thanks.” Dara turned to leave, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.
“You come back and visit during a service. It might be just what you need.” The man called after her.
Dara stopped in her tracks. Something stirred deep inside her soul. Slowly, she turned to look at the man.
“I might just do that.”
“Good! I will be looking for you then.” He smiled and waved and then turned to head back to his work on the flowers.
Somehow, despite this horrible day, she suddenly felt energized! With a spring in her step, she continued on her way.
Maybe a visit to the church is what she needed. She used to go to church all the time, but she had allowed other things in her life to get in the way of going. The more she dwelled on this, the more her spirit seemed to rise up inside of her.
She came to an abrupt stop outside her complex.
“No, I can’t go back to church. It’s been way too long. I am sure the Lord has forgotten all about me anyway, so what would be the point of going.” She pushed the thoughts of the church from her mind and declared an end to the matter.
Days later, despite her fight against it, she still had an undeniable pull to visit that little church. It was Wednesday and they would be having service that night. She readied herself and set out toward the church.
“I will just go tonight and that will be that.” She told herself as she walked down the sidewalk.
She reached the church only to realize she was an hour early. Not wanting to walk all the way back home, she made her way to a bench in the courtyard and sat down. Dara looked up to see the same gentleman from the other day heading toward her. She smiled as he sat down on the bench beside her.
“Just thought I would check it out.” She smoothed the wrinkles on her linen skirt. “I don’t know why though. It’s not like the Lord cares if I am here.”
“Why in the world would you say such a thing?”
“Well, I kind of forgot about Him, so I know He has forgotten about me.” She suddenly felt overcome with conviction.
“My dear, hasn’t anyone ever told you? The Good Lord’s love for us is an endless one! He loves us no matter what we do or where we go. We may stray in life, but He never does.”
Dara was in tears. Guilt tore at her soul.
“You really think so?”
“Most definitely.” He offered a tender smile.
She felt God’s endless and unwavering love wash over her. Dara had finally found a place to belong.
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Good use of interior conflict leading to a positive resolution in the end. Keep writing.
I was reading some of Jan's writing tips in the forums and she mentioned tightening up our words and using fewer to convey our message.
Great work!
You may want to tighten up your sentences some. With the word count being so limited it's vital to make every word count. For example this: Halfway between the gas station and home sat a small Baptist church. It’s quaint appearance was a welcomed sight in this rough, urban landscape. Even though it seemed out of place, Dara felt drawn to it. For, like the small country church in the middle of a big city, she, too, didn’t quite seem to fit in around here. She had always felt out of place, no matter where she went or what she did.
To something like this:
Halfway home, she spotted a small Baptist Church that seemed as out of place in the urban environment--just like how she had always felt that she didn't fit in anywhere.
It's not perfect and I tweaked it a few times, but I hope the example helps show what I meant.
I enjoyed your characters. They felt real and relatable. Even the church developed it's own character and that's not an easy thing to do. Your passion shows in your words. Keep writing for the Lord has great plans to use your words to touch others in ways you might never expect.