Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Accent (02/21/13)
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TITLE: A Touch of Grace | Previous Challenge Entry
By Annis Williamson
02/27/13 -
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Suddenly, Sarah’s mom nudged her arm and said, “Look sweetie, here comes your friend Grace and her mom.” Sarah smiled brightly, jumped up and started waving excitedly to Grace. She couldn’t wait to have their first play date outside of school. It would be the first of many, especially since it was the beginning of summer. Grace ran over to Sarah and gave her a huge hug. It was time to play in the park and have lots of fun. As Sarah and Grace started walking away from their moms, Sarah chuckled. “What’s so funny, silly?” asked Grace. Sarah said, “Well, I was just thinking that since you are always talking about how wonderful your daddy is, he would be the one to bring you to the park instead of your mom.” Grace was quite for a moment, as if she were thinking. For a second, Sarah thought she had said something wrong, but then a smile quickly spread across Grace’s face. Then Grace replied, “Well, there’s something I never really told you, but my father passed away when I was just a baby.” My mom is wonderful and I love her so much and every night at bedtime she reads me a passage from the Holy Bible. God is our daddy and he accents our life. He is the one that teaches me kindness, grace, love, and offering to others, that’s why I always thank him.” Sarah felt a bit saddened by Grace not knowing her father, but she saw the smile on Grace’s face when she talked about God. Sarah’s family went to church every now and then and she had seen the Bible at her house, but her mom and dad never talked much about God. She was curious and wanted to know more about Him and how He teaches such wonderful things to people. Sarah gave Grace a huge hug and said, “God sounds amazing! Can you tell me more about Him?” “I sure will,” replied Grace, “We can talk about Him while we are on the swing set.” Sarah smiled as they ran to the swings. She knew that her and Grace would be the best of friends and that after Grace told her more about God, she could then tell her mom and dad about Him and His love for people.
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A wee hint - study paragraphing to make your entries more readable.
You did a terrific job!
Loving you in through and because of Jesus, the Christ . . .
Have you "thrown a brick"?
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=36621
Thank you.
God bless~
I only have a couple of tiny suggestions. remember to start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks, even if it's just one word. You may want to double space them to give the reader white space. The other thing is accent in the way you used it doesn't seem right coming from a 6 or 7 yo.Perhaps she could have said Mommy says God is the perfect accent to our life. Then the other girl could have crinkled her brow and said "What's that mean?"
But those are tiny details. You really nailed the topic and did it in a fun and interesting way. I think you built up the suspense with the "missing" daddy and is just perfect for kids. Children's stories is my favorite genre both to read and to write. You did a grand job on this charming story and it will delight both child and adult.