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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Diet - deadline is 8-9-12 9:59 am NY time. (08/02/12)
I ran into the grocery store
For a can of pork and bean
The first thing that I noticed was
The place was neat and clean
There in the corner the produce case I spy
Loaded with fruit and vegetables
That would catch any woman's eye
I had better get a cart
And get some lettuce for a salad I have to make
Carrots, potatoes and oh yes squash
Would be nice to bake
I'll take some fresh oranges
And I guess that will be complete
No, I'll get some apples too
Cuz those kids love to eat
All these kinds of meat they have
I'd better take a look
Maybe a roast or two
For the dinner I have to cook
And now that I am here
I guess it wouldn't hurt
If I took a bit of ice cream for desert
A quart of milk, a little cheese
And maybe a carton of pop
The basket is almost loaded
I guess I'd better stop
But I need salad dressing and
A loaf of bread for sure
Just as well get it now, that I'm here
Canned corn, peas and pumpkin
Now for the last round
Flour and a bag of sugar
Should I get the five or ten pound?
Then up to the front where the things
Are checked and paid
Oh yes hubby said this morning
He could use a razor blade
The checker was nice when she rang it through
And she did it all with ease
It was to much to carry
So she ordered,"Charlie order out please"
The fellow that came to help me out
Really looked spic and span
And when he had the order in the car
He said, "Thanks come again!"
There was something that I forgot
The way it does seem
Now I remember it was the can of pork and bean
Oh well, I'll come back tomorrow
Cuz time in there I like to spend
And company would be nice so
I'll bring along a friend
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This article has been read 746 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Laura Manley
08/09/12
This was a delightful poem; it was so true to life, I could visualize myself right in the store. I perhaps don't know a lot about poetry, but if I may, I would suggest you use spaces between your standards. Some of your stanzas have very good rhythm, while others are awkward for this reader to follow. Again, I am no expert in poetry so I may be missing something that I should know. All in all, this reader enjoyed the dlightful scenario of this poem. Very good!
C D Swanson 
08/10/12
This was a cute little poem. It reminded me of a country song! Nicely done, and told. And, certainly nailed the topic. Thanks.

God bless~
Kristine Baker
08/10/12
Such a familiar place for me to visit...the grocery store. This poem was on topic; however, I think there could have been a little more attention to comma placements as I read this aloud. This poem was moving as I could feel the frustration of forgetting to buy the main item/reason for the trip to the store.
Nancy Bucca
08/13/12
What a fun trip to the grociery store, and what a familiar experience: going there for one thing, then seeing all these other things you want and forgetting the one thing you came to buy! Great job and a delightful read.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
08/13/12
This is a really cute little piece. I think many of us can relate going to the store for one thing and then being distracted and getting everything but the original item.

I know it's not easy to get a poem ready in just a few days. Some of the rhymes see mes a tad forced (like I would say beans not bean) and I stumbled on the flow of some lines. If you can let the poem sit overnight or a day or two you will be able to see the spots and come up with ways to fix them.

You did make me smile. I love the irony of it all. There are more than just a message or two in this piece. It's so easy to let the things we really need in life to simmer on the back burner with hopes of getting to it soon. The great thing, though, just like most convenient stores, Jesus is available 24 hours a day. Nice job.