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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Question (05/24/12)
Why Me?

One minute I was laughing and having fun, but in one minute it all seemed to change. I knew that something must have happened; the questions just kept running through my mind. How did I get here? Why was I alone?

I turned to look in all directions, I did not understand how I found myself out here; there was only a path before me. I felt alone and unsure, I still didn’t know what to do but I felt led to start down this path. I wished that I would meet someone soon that could tell me where I was at, the path just seemed to loom before me and it made me feel sad.

I looked and along the side of the path I could see a person standing, why I met her years ago, I couldn’t remember her name but I did remember what she said to me, so I asked her. “Did you tell me that Jesus was the only way to Heaven?”

The figure smiled and shook her head.

Walking on I saw another person along the side of my path, I asked, “Didn’t you tell me that I had a choice to make?”

The figure shook her head.

Walking on down the path, it seemed to decline, when another person came into view. Only this one was on the other side of the path, why he was a Christian, but he never said anything to me.

“Why didn’t you tell me that I needed to ask forgiveness for my sins?” I moaned.

The figure seemed really sad, but just shook his head.

I was impelled to walk further down this path, it still inclined and seemed to get wider and the darkness was setting in, another person I recognized came along side of the path. I looked into her eyes as tears flowed down her cheeks.
I said, “You told me that I needed to make my choice soon, that I needed to settle this in my heart, didn’t you?”

The figure just shook her head.

I felt led to go further, but I did not want to go. Along my path two people appeared. I knew them. “Why you were the ones that tried to get me to come to church and told me about Jesus and His love for me, that He died even for me, but I didn’t seem too interested did I?”

The figures turned to look at one another and then back to me, sadness was about them as they shook their heads.

The path declined even more and the darkness settled in on me, further down the path I could see colors of red and bunt orange and the heat seemed to engulf me. I saw another person along the path; his tears flowed freely down his face; he was staring intensely at me. I felt scared, no terrified, I asked him to come with me, but he quickly backed away, I knew I had something to dread. I looked at him again and said. “I missed my chance to give my heart to Jesus didn’t I?”

The figure just shook his head.

I had to continue down this path, I turned to look behind me and all those who had been along this path were staring at me. I felt lost and alone, I had to leave my whole family, friends, for forever it seemed. What had I done? Dear Jesus, why didn’t I listen?

As I looked again at the path it seemed that I had made the biggest mistake of my life, I felt that I had so much time to come to Jesus, but it happened so quickly that I didn’t have the time. As I walked on, the heat and smell grew worse, I could faintly hear voices in terror something I would never forget. I turned around one last time; the people seemed to be waving to me, beckoning me back, and in the midst stood Jesus, His arms out stretched.

I didn’t look back, I ran straight to Jesus, telling Him I was sorry, to please forgive me. I felt so light; a heavy burden had been rolled away.

They told me later when I awoke in the hospital that it was touch and go for a while, they had almost lost me. Just where was I headed? “You tell me.” But today, I know being saved and forgiven has changed my life forever. Won’t you join me?
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Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
05/31/12
Wow - This was so powerful it gave me goosebumps! Great job with this piece. I loved it...beautifully written. And, I especially loved Jesus with his outstretched arms forgiving His child. That touched my heart! Thanks. God Bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/31/12
This is quite intriguing. I sensed it would be a dream or a vision. I believe it may have been more of a vision.

You had a few little things that need some fixing. For example I wish I could meet someone soon who (not that) Another tiny thing is you repeat the same words in the paragraph. try to find new ways to say the same thing.(path is a word you used quite often) The biggest thing is try to show instead of tell. This is difficult for many to fully grasp. Try to avoid passive words like was, have is, etc. For example the phrase sadness was about them -- what does that look like. Did their heads hang low, or their shoulders hunched? What does it look and feel like to be engulfed with sadness?

Even though I gave quite a bit of red ink feedback, there are so many wonderful things to take notice of as well. You do an amazing job of luring the reader down that lonely path. Your message is so clear. There is no doubt that your MC will likely now given a second chance, shout of Jesus' love and forgiveness throughout the land. I have no doubt that this story will make a huge difference in many lives.