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TITLE: Pride goes before the fall | Previous Challenge Entry
By Barbara Culler
02/28/10
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Sarah is a wannabe Martha Stewart. She does Interior design as a paying job and her house is always immaculate. Sarah is highly regarded by her peers, and she prides herself on the reputation of being the Queen of hospitality. However, during a recent open house to showcase her newly remodeled kitchen and downstairs bathroom a disaster of a disgusting magnitude occurred.

Sarah’s was most prideful about the bathroom, for it was stunning with its gilded mirrors and mauve colored walls. The floor was made of black marble, and the sink, tub and toilet were constructed of gray granite. The sunken oval bathtub was the centerpiece in the room, accented with lit candles around the rim.

Sarah observed a car coming up into the driveway. It was Reverend Righteous and his wife, Farrah-Cee. They were the pastors of the church down the street, but Sarah knew Farah-Cee from her gardening club.

Before they came up to the door, Sarah slipped into the bathroom to check her hair in the fancy wall mirror.

"What was that nasty smell?"

Flickering lights of the candles casts dancing shadows on clumps of brown stuff in the bathtub.

“Eek!” Sarah gagged, as her hand covered her mouth.

Sarah looked in horror at the soaking tub. Black sewage had backed up into the custom made bath, and was rising higher with each passing moment.

“Ding Dong”

The door bell announced the arrival of her guests, and Sarah fainted.

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Member Comments

Member

Date

03/04/10

Cute. Sort of left me wanting more added, but I am sure it was probably best the way that it was!

03/04/10

Clever idea, with the names giving it the feel of a fable or allegory.

I'd have loved to see you "run with it", and make this into a full-fledged allegory with a moral for your readers.

03/04/10

I loved your ending! Made me lol.

Delores McCarter

03/05/10

Short and gross....but cute.
Nice job!

Verna Cole Mitchell

03/08/10

You did an excellent job of showing the contrast between the beauty and the ugly in your story. I think I'd really like that bathroom--without the backup! Your names added to understanding the moral of the story.

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom

03/08/10

A cute little story literally demonstrating that pride goeth before a fall.

03/08/10

That's not fair. You can't just end it like that; well I guess you can because you did, but I want to know what happens. Cute name/word puns. Nice half-job :). Enjoyed it. God bless.

03/08/10

Loved the name, Farrah-Cee. Your descriptions were really good but I think you could have done alittle more to develop the story. I wanted more.

Sarah Elisabeth

03/08/10

Eek! Poor Sarah, what a fall she took at the end. Loved the name "Farrah Cee".

A quick note: when your mc is thinking, you don't use quotation marks. Italics are good for thoughts, but not dialogue.

I think you ended it just right, good job!

03/09/10

I agree that it was good to leave the story hanging. But since you had plenty of space to play with, Sarah could have, say, reminisced about the visit of some other suitably impressed couple, allowing you space to express her character more fully. Referring to her as Martha Stewart is good in as far as it goes, but not everyone is au fait with all that Ms Stewart says and does. Better to have used the comparison as a spring board and then describe your character in your own way.

Kate Oliver Webb

03/09/10

Fun little fable; short works best for it, I think. Problem in 2nd paragraph: "Sarah's" should have been just "Sarah" which is a small proofreading problem. Good job overall, tho'.

03/10/10

Poor Sarah! Eek, indeed... better to fix the plumbing before the superficials. Yes, this could definitely be an allegory!

Carol Penhorwood

03/11/10

I LOVED your story. I thought you did a great job. Especially enjoyed Rev. Righteous and Farrah-Cee. I too think you could draw this out more and make a really cute story.

Not to say this wasn't good, I loved it. I just wanted MORE!

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom

03/11/10

Congratulations on the top 15 in your level!

07/25/20

This certainly reveals the vanity of life, just as King Solomon says in his book of Ecclesiastes. Great write. Thanks for your comment on my poem.

07/25/20

Vanity upon vanity. So says king Solomon in his book of Ecclesiastes. Great write. Thanks for your comment on my creation poem.