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Topic: Grrr! (01/28/10)
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TITLE: Melting the Hardened Ice | Previous Challenge Entry
By Holly Hoell
02/02/10 -
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I started really struggling with my emotions. My feelings told me that she would have returned my calls if she really thought of me as a priority. Do I even matter to her? Thoughts like that spiraled in my mind trying to sweep me up into despair.
I struggled against those thoughts, saying to myself, she doesn't owe me anything. I can't look to collect some kind of debt from her so that I can feel better. I have to think the best in unconditional love. I have to show her mercy, even if she is giving me the silent treatment. I cannot let this type of thing pull me down. The Lord gives me what I need and He will use this to strengthen me.
I am brought back to the feeling of helplessness as a young girl when I wanted to confront Pam, the bully who was calling me names on the bus each day. In my own power, I am helpless. If I reason with the flesh and then sow to the flesh I will reap destruction from my sin.
Only by walking in the spirit will I overcome the feeling of rejection that I have experienced so many times before. I cannot do this without Jesus or I will fail over and over again. When Betsy and I finally do talk, I want to flow in the love and mercy that is from above. Together, with a little help from the holy spirit, we can melt the hardened ice in our hearts.
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