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Topic: Good and Bad (05/07/09)
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TITLE: My Mother's Words | Previous Challenge Entry
By Sandra Healy
05/14/09 -
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Think about how this will affect other people; are you willing to live with the consequences, whether they are good or bad?
I always thought about this important advice she gave me. Most of the time I used it, but there were times I threw caution to the wind.
My husband and I drove to visit mom, (my mother-in-law), in Walla Walla WA, it was a long barren drive from Seattle and it was hot. During our many phone calls with her, we both became concerned.
In the past two years her neighbors whom she was very close to moved away with their children, whom would visit mom daily and they would take her garbage out to the roadside weekly, as this had become a problem for her to handle. They would bring her flowers and goodies, and she in return would bake the children cookies, and spend time listening to their adventures and things of importance to them. They had her undivided attention, which they all loved.
Mom became very lonely and this led to depression. We noticed that she was very thin, slept a lot and was unsteady on her feet. We suggested that we hire someone, whom could help her in the house and go food shopping for her, but no she didn’t want any strangers in her house. We did convince her to purchase a cane, but it found a permanent resting place in the back seat of her car. She didn’t want anyone to think she was old and she needed that piece of wood, to give her support. I understood moms need to remain independent, that is something none of us want to loose, and to remain in our home where things are familiar is a comfort to us, as we grow older.
She seemed more confused to me on the phone and by her own admission, she said she has burned some of her pans and said she didn’t smell anything, this was a red flag to me. I knew something had to be done. So I spoke with the rest of the family, at least the members that were more involved with mom and we all agreed something needed to be done, but no one wanted to because mom wouldn’t like it.
I contacted moms doctor and told him what was happening to her he wanted to see her immediately.
The next morning I was checking my e-mails and got one from Karen, mom’s youngest daughter whom had little contact with her mother. She told me I shouldn’t have decided on my own to call moms doctor that I should have spoke to a family member. I said to her I did speak to your brother, and your sister, Margaret.
Later in the day I got a call from mom, she said the doctor told her that someone in her family had contacted her and told him what our concerns were. She said she knew it could only be me, because the others knew she wouldn’t like it. She told me she would have gotten around to calling her doctor and asked me not to call him again.
Later that evening I spoke with Margaret she told me Karen was probably mad at me, because she didn’t think to call moms doctor when it should have been one of them and not me.
The following week I got another call from mom, after she had seen her doctor and she had more time to think things over. She told me thank you, I know you did it because you care about me and she told me I am glad you are a member of the family and I love you. Every time I think about this tears fill my eyes, and I know I did the right thing.
Sometimes we have to be bold and take that extra step and stand up for what we feel is right.
It is three years later and mom has passed away, she died alone in her home, during the evening as she was waiting for some friends to pick her up to go to a church event. When she didn’t come out, they thought she had decided not to go and drove on.
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