Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: In and Out (04/30/09)
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TITLE: Milly's Resolve | Previous Challenge Entry
By Kris Waters
05/04/09 -
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“Good luck taming me.” Milly murmerred. Lolly, the Nun who looked after the girls in the afternoons, scoured at Milly during her usual walk past to count the orphaned girls. Milly wondered if half of them felt like they were dying from the horrid food they were fed too. Ha, delicious was what they had to mimmick. “Dear God, Thank you for this D-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s meal, Thank you for the care taken in making this meal, bla bla.” I'm sure God really hears what the girls think about the food they are getting. Poop!
“Milly!” Lolly interupted Milly's thoughts, get your tail off the bed, keep those lips shut and come clean up lunch. Have you forgotton it's your roster.” Milly scurried to the eating room thinking how could she have possibly forgot? Always daydreaming, the nuns would say. The eating room, which looks more like an outhouse was filthy as always. Isn't cleanliness next to godliness? Milly giggled to herself, that was the most used phrase of the Nuns but the girls had a little joke between themselves to see who could leave their spot the dirtiest, not so good for the one on the roster to clean it but it was worth the look on the Nun's face when she entered. Lolly gave Milly one of her exasperated looks when she walked in. “Oh God, I know you know my thoughts so please give me strengh not to chuck my d-elicious meal at Lolly's head”. Milly, how old exactly are you, Lolly asked interrupting Milly's train of thought, thankfully. Milly was sure Lolly knew her age and was unsure whether to answer her as the wrong response could result in a lashing. The Nuns delighted in this sort of game. Milly decided that she would answer using her fingers, no harm in that. Milly put both hands up and spread all her fingers, she then made 2 of her fingers into a cross and 2 into a V. So this means your 12 years old, Lolly smirked. Good! Lolly exclaimed. I knew it, this means your out of here, a very big OUT and not too soon if you ask me, your way too much trouble. Too much attitude in you, disrupt the girls. Yep, out you go.
Milly Froze on the spot, for all her front she was in a safe place within the confounds of the nunnery. The thought of leaving to no home, no family and no money scared her to death. The Nuns always said that God put the girls here because nobody else cared about them. Milly knew different. Her mum always said that if you put your life in God's hands you'll be ok and this is what has kept Milly's unfailing attitude alive. Her Mum always explained that it was God who we answer to. Milly was sure to her core that her mother was right.
Lolly broke through Milly's resolve and said the words she has been so afraid to hear. Go pack your bags, no time like the present. Your Mum left you some money for this day but it's not worth what it used to be. I'm sure you'll survive, there are ways.”
So there it was, Milly's out and on her own.
You know what Lolly, she stared squarely at the plump Nun. I AM going to be fine. I have God on my side and my Mum in my heart!”
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Your longest paragraph could easily be broken down into several shorter ones, which would improve the flow of your story.
Your characters are interesting.