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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: In and Out (04/30/09)
I enjoy sitting my lunchtime in front of the large office building that towers over all the other buildings on the block. I know there is different company’s that is based in this building and judging by the quantity of people going in and out one would be safe to presume that they are all very successful.

Wile enjoying my tuna salad I observe the hundreds of faceless people walking past me and going in and out of buildings, cars and busses. A small girl catches my eye, she is holding her mothers hand wile they run-walk to a bus that is waiting for passengers. I wonder where they are going in such a hurry. A pain crosses my chest and I remember my own little girl.

Her father passed away two years back, how we missed him. It was like the light was stolen from us the day he passed. It was not sudden as he was ill for a long time but the time we were given was so short. With all the medical and daycare bills that needed to be paid I had to work two jobs. And I had very little time for anything or anyone.

After my husband died my little girl started to sleep with me, as this was the only time we could be together. One morning I got up my usual time four o’clock. My little girl woke up and begged me to clime back into bed with her and just hold her a little longer. I told her that I could not as I had to go to work but promised that I will be back home that night, and that we can play together. She just smiled her sweet little smile at me and turned around to sleep further.

Later that day I received the most dreaded phone call from the daycare center, my baby have been rushed to hospital. At my arrival at the hospital the doctor told me that my little girl have died just moments before. I was devastated the teacher that where with my little girl told me that a freak wind blew a tree over that fell on the doll house where she was playing in.

As I looked at my baby’s lifeless body I could not help to which that I can turn back time and clime back into bed with my little girl and hold her just once more. As I stood there holding her little cold hand in my hand tears rolling down my cheeks I could hear her laughter and as I looked up there was a man with me in the room. He smiled at me and when he spoke to me his lips did not move but I could hear him.

“People move in and out of this world every day, your little girl is at the Fathers feet where she is waiting for you.”

And then he was gone.

I found some peace that day knowing that my little girl will be happy and will be there when it is my turn to go. It warmed my heart to know I will be able to hold her again one day.

After that I stopped running the ‘rat race’ and started to walk and notice the beautiful things around me. I do not work two jobs anymore or wake up early so not to be late anymore. I do not stress about things that is out of my control. And I spend as much time as I can with my God, doing His work.

My tuna salad is done, and it is time for me to go back to the daycare center witch I started with the church for single mothers who work in this concrete jungle. Now there children are close and they can come and visit and spend some time with them in there lunch hour.

For no one knows when it is time to check in or out.
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This article has been read 655 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Shara-Rae Mitchell
05/08/09
Very sad but touching story- it fits nicely with the topic.
Jan Ackerson
05/10/09
A heartbreaking story!

There were some errors in spelling, punctuation, and sentence structure--careful editing would improve the flow of your story.

Your narrator's tender heart was very evident, and I liked your story very much.
Catrina Bradley
05/27/09
This is a beautifully written story! I like how then ending circles back to the beginning, but showing the good that this woman's sorrows have wrought in her life.

I'd like to help you with some of the grammar, etc. that Jan mentioned. PM me if you'd be interested! You have a talent and I'd hate to see minor errors hold you back from writing success.