Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: In and Out (04/30/09)
-
TITLE: Dark Cloud | Previous Challenge Entry
By Autumn Ten
05/01/09 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
I can find myself teetering at the edge, between the darkness and the light, the darkness waiting so eagerly to take me in. I often pose the question, who threw my soul up for grabs? Why do they want it so badly?
I vowed, despite my frustration, never to become like what torments me. It's the reason I can't push myself over that edge and be made another minion in the machine. Another misery spreader you can find these days for a dime a dozen, always trying to build their number. Sometimes I swear I can hear the evil stomping its feet in anger, still so close behind.
Now things are particularly dark for me. There have been moments of extreme vulnerability, when I know how ripe I was for the picking. I'm not going to make it, I would say aloud to God. Some nights I would pray myself to sleep, and others the exaustion wouldn't let me utter a word. Mainly I pray for triumph over the illness that threatens to leave my family in ruins. The suffering I just can't handle watching anymore. This I thought, was the most evil. Wearing me down through those I love most. It has been and long a grueling test. The hardest test I have ever been put to.
Every time I think I've figured something out or that I understand the course of events, I find out I'm wrong and I apparently don't know anything. But I do know that God answers my prayers, just not always the way I think he will. I sometimes tell him laughably that it would be so much easier if He could just answer directly. That would certainly take the mysterious part out of His ways. And who am I to think I merit such a request? Of no great importance I can assuredly say. Yet after such bold requests and my asking, why?, way too much, He remains the constant in my life.
Pain begins to taint me, even though I try to keep it buried in my own private Hell. I think about doing all the wrong things, but deep down I know it's because I'm scared to death of this darkness that won't let me be. I know without God I will have no help in counteracting this. And in these harshest moments, He finds a way to pull me out. The sun suddenly breaks through an overcast sky, or a grey dove coos nearby, and when I look it's looking back as if it's talking only to me. A flower I thought for certain was dead was bursting with new blooms the next morning. These things I don't find mysterious at all. I know He's showing me just an inkling of his power, and reminding me that some prayers take longer to be answered than others. That as long as I don't give up, neither will He.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
Be careful of "it's". With an apostrophe, it means "it is" or "it has". You wanted "its" (no apostrophe) for the possessives in your first sentence.
This is well-written, and brings to mind the anguish of the psalmist.
You are right; you know very little! He wants us always to understand that. For we are His and not our own. He wants us to come to Him as our own children come to us when they are in pain. We can't always make the boo boo better but we can always give a hug. And so can God.
I pray you stand up under this pain- do not let depression win or the evil in your life be victorious. But cling to the God who loves you- cling to Him in faith and never let Him go.