I no longer fear the Engineer | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: I no longer fear the Engineer | Previous Challenge Entry
By Catharine Smith
08/11/08
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I sit watching the children play on the floor. I am awaiting my annual doctor’s appointment. I usually dread Dr. Bullock’s yearly assessment of my weaknesses and strengths. This year I am excited, anticipating his reaction. For years he has exclaimed ”you need to treat your body better, your smoking is going to kill you or those around you “. I would patiently endure my ½ hour lecture and go dutifully for my tests. Each year I would assure him this year would be the year. Absently I would be fingering my cigarettes and awaiting that first nicotine enriched flavor to engulf my lungs as I exited the medical building. Well, this year I finally kicked the Habit, yes sir, I was smoke free and proud of it.

I jumped as Ms Watkins; dedicated RN for 20 years to Dr Bullock called my name and I proudly enter Dr. Bullock’s sanctuary. “ My, My Mrs. Manard your BP is perfect this year I puff my chest out and start to explain as she points towards the scales. “No, No” I exclaim as I watch those terrible bars being balanced on the scale. I see the look of empathy and at the same time an eagerness to tattle my dilemma to Dr Bullock. She shuttles me into the modified closest they call an exam room, with a determined look in her eyes. Ok so I gained a little, well ok a lot but I did think squeezing myself in this man made torture device hid the evidence well. She reenters a moment later with a victorious grin on her face exclaiming “Mrs. Manard, Dr. Bullock feels this year we should have a complete examination, please remove your clothing and fasten this gown around you”. As she handed me the piece of material I blurt out “I quit smoking this year” she grins and congratulates me as she exits the room.

I wiggle out of my garment and attempted to wrap the piece of cloth which resembled a dish cloth with strings around the newly formed whelps of reddened skin. I could not hide now, my new secret was out. I burst into tears upon the realization that when I gave up one vice I created another. I brace myself awaiting my fate, already trembling as he asks for entrance. I meekly call out “you may enter Dr. Bullock, I am ready.” He enters and immediately sits in the chair beside the table and gently strokes my hand. “Mrs. Manard, what are those tears for?” I give in with tear stained cheeks “Dr. Bullock, I came today so excited about quitting smoking; I did not even realize until I stepped on the scales how fat I had gotten, I had given up smoking for compulsive eating.” “Mrs. Manard, that’s half the battle, knowing your weaknesses. Your body is your temple; you have to decide if you want it to have a smokestack, or an extra wing . I can tell you what the model, flaws and additions are but you are responsible for the day to day operation.”

Leaving the building this year, I was puffing. Puffing hard and fast, I had chosen the stairs and vowed that by next year this model would be a sleek two story, instead of a spacious ranch. Realizing that Dr. Bullock was not my judge and jury but my engineer, and how I used the data was more important than the data itself. I felt empowered. I may still put on that torture device and hide my extra storage, but now I only seek knowledge not an illusion. Knowing that some day soon, my architect will call me home, I honestly believe that how I use my foundation is more important than the external façade; however, a well maintained heating , air conditioning and plumbing along with polished windows and doors makes the contents more comfortable.

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