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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Father (as in paternal parent, not God) (04/10/08)
Father

Father has dark hair, is very tall and slender and picks me up from my babysitter's house when he's finished with seminary classes because Mother has to work a little later. Father takes care of me, plays with me and teaches me to drink from a soda bottle even though I'm only 9 months old.

Father goes to work and I miss him because he's very busy. There is a new baby brother as well and Father's work is very difficult. Father moves us to a new place where my baby sister is born. Father's appendix bursts and I realize that he isn't invulnerable. Father needs help and Mother has her appendix out while he's recuperating. Father takes me out to meet the school bus each day.

Father changes churches so we move again. Father decides that I can have the piano lessons I've been wanting. Father also lets me play the piano at church for Christmas Eve. Father and Mother allow us to name the newest baby brother they bring home. Father becomes more of a quick-moving shadow than my playmate and best friend as his family gets bigger.

Father takes another assignment so we move one more time. Father moves us to a bigger place with a better school that's only a block away. Father and Mother have a new baby sister who is the apple of everyone's eye, especially Father. Father presents my diploma when I graduate high school.

Father drives me to the airport when I leave to get married. Father is angry when I elope but when we come home with his first grandson, his anger melts. Father takes care of him, plays with him and teaches him to drink from a soda bottle even though he's only 9 months old.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Dee Yoder
04/17/08
You led the reader through several years of growing and learning and loving with a father. It was a nice journey to read about!
Jan Ackerson
04/20/08
An interesting approach--almost as if we're seeing snapshots of this life.

After a while, the repetition of the word "Father" at the beginning of each sentence gives this a bit of a sing-songy-rhythm, unusual in prose. And I'd suggest giving your piece a title with more "stand out" value.

Some pleasant word pictures here of a good man. Thanks!
dub W
04/22/08
Pretty well written, watch the redundant phrasing. Very tight, couple probably be expanded. Thanks for posting.