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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of “All that Glitters is Not Gold” (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (01/24/08)
He promised her love. He promised her happiness. He promised her a family. He promised to fulfill her dreams.

She listened intently. She responded eagerly. Her desire glittered enticingly. After all, for some time now, her heart had been manipulated by the Master Deceiver to be receptive to these promises.

The Others had tried to lead her. The Others had tried to warn her how wrong her decisions were. The Others had tried to instruct her that sin was destructive no matter how it was packaged.





He held her. He smiled at her. He told her that everything was going to be alright.

She worked. She supported him, even though he was ten years her senior. She lied to the Others.

The Others called. The Others sent messages. The Others continued to reach out to her, even though she had abandoned them.





He told her that their love was all that mattered. He told her that they were in God’s will. He told her that they would be married, then everything would be alright.

She told him that she agreed with him. She told herself that she was an adult and could decide for herself what was right and what was wrong. She told the Others that they were super conservative Christians, and that she pitied them. She told the Others, and God, that she refused to change her relationship with him.

The Others requested counsel from the pastors. The Others begged her to repent, turn away from her sin, and repair her relationship with The Lord. The Others spoke prayers of intersession.




He lost everything he had during his day-trading activities. He got his divorced step-father to marry them. He got his best friend to rent them a house the friend was buying.

She got married in a yard. She got the husband she chose, rather than waiting on God’s choice. She got a house with a pool-table and couch which was left in the basement by the previous owners; they only had a bed on the main floor.

The Others shed tears.




He had promised her love. Her desire had glittered enticingly.
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This article has been read 1033 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
02/01/08
I like the writing style you chose here, with the choppy sentences and repetitive phrases. It works for this piece.
Laury Hubrich 
02/02/08
This is a different writing style. Very good. You kept us wanting to know more. Keep on writing.
Laury
Mary Barrow Little
02/05/08
I liked the sense of tension this writing style invoked. It really expressed the underlying animosity between.... everybody!
Marita Thelander 
02/05/08
The style is different, but it works. The story moved and unfolded sytematic with your style. Red Ink: when you write for the challenge, you shouldn't use any words of that are in the topic, such as glitter.
K. J. Cash
02/05/08
Good example of epic poetry. The entire Iliad and Oddessey are written this way.
Catrina Bradley
02/06/08
The format of this piece is positively poetic. I'm not sure if using the actual word "glitter" will count against you in topic points or not, but it fit's the mood well and was a great choice. At first I thought "the Others" were angels, I like that word choice too. ("Lost" fan :)). Congratulations on your first entry - well done. :) Cat
Joanney Uthe 
02/06/08
Very well done. I like the parts where she tells herself something, trying to convience herself when she knows the Others are right. Insightful, well-written entry.
Dee Yoder
02/06/08
A great first entry! I like the way you repeat the first line at the end, and the way you described what her "desire" gained her through her choices.
Steve Bato
02/12/08
I agree with the others, this was an interesting writing style. It took me by surprise, but it definitely worked. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Celeste Ammirata
02/18/08
Nicely written story. You've shown that sometimes what we desire, what we chase after, isn't always what it seems. I like the way you write. Keep it up.
Jacquelyn Horne
02/27/08
This poem leaves quite an impression on the reader. Good job.
Norma-Anne Hough
05/01/08
I really was taken by this article of yours. You held my interest right to the last moment. Well done.
Blessings, Norms