Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of “All that Glitters is Not Gold” (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (01/24/08)
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TITLE: Finding a wife | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jeff Lowe
01/29/08 -
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Our flesh will try to interfere with our choices. We need to be careful as men, because our minds are capable of intense foreplay. Habits of recruiting images into our mind must be dealt with. Our mind is capable of keeping a rolodex of thousands of ‘snapshots’ that can be picked up at a glance. The eyes must ‘bounce off’ those images in order not to bring an addictive or destructive element into a potential marriage (2Cor 10:5). If we focus on anything below the neck, it will give us a carnal attitude towards marriage. While it is true that India has more gods than people because of cow worship, the socialism in the U.S. has made much more idols in these things alone (Ex 20:3-6).
It may seem harmless to look, but the repetitiveness of lustful actions in the pleasure centers of your mind will feed on these images like a crack pipe. Modern science allows us to understand that the underlying nature of pornography is chemically nearly identical to heroin addiction*. Sexual intensity will try to replace our natural sexual intimacy with the opposite sex. Selfishness will attempt to replace the natural ability of giving love to one another. We will lean more towards looking at women, instead of interacting with them. The way the thief comes to steal from you is by “trading” thoughts and imaginations (John 10:10). What we really need is a full meal. What we don't need is attractive, but unedifying junk food.
If you are single and find yourself attracted to someone, you should think about out why. Always think of the eternal consequences first, before you move on. Do not play games and lead them on, unless you are willing to give up your life for them. Ask the other person if they agree with your idea of having children, living arrangements, how your credit should be, retirement plans and other essential long term plans. Keep your spiritual goals in mind. You always want someone who is dedicated to God and compliments the calling in your lives.
A single person is a whole person. They are complete, even without marriage. Some people will try to find someone that they can change, or duplicate their self. This will just make another person feel inadequate or bound. When you try to control someone, it is the same as witchcraft. Men and women are called by God into freedom and liberty.
Make sure you occupy yourself by giving, or receiving the word through reading, message or song. Contributors to the spirit of loneliness are romantic songs of what could be, or even the melodies of old memories. Don’t be a dream-chaser, but seek the kingdom and all will be added unto you (Matt 6:33).
Before you can love anyone, you must first love yourself. You should not expect another person to make you happy and fulfilled, when only God can do that. If you expect that person to be the answer for that, in a marriage it will become a problem for both of you. Anyone can say I love you, but until they have real love in them, they will not have any to give. This works both ways. A woman, who has been betrayed or abused, cannot return much love without leaving the baggage.
If you are in a relationship, be aware of each other’s limitations when it comes to arousing one another. You should never lie down horizontally together. When you have more time for open communication, you can work on planning and conflict resolutions, instead of using sex as an answer to built up tensions. Less than 1% of the marriage time is spent sexually. Enjoy practicing what to do with the other 99%. If you can be with the person without having sex, you could have a mate for life.
What may look good to you may not be good for you. Stick to your spirit and not your flesh. This will guide you into freedom, contentment and marital satisfaction.
*(Psychiatrist Jeffrey Satinover at a Senate hearing, regarding if porn was just another form of expression protected under the first amendment.)
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The tie-in to the topic is a bit weak, but the article is a very helpful one that many many should read.
Laury