The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Wow - what a powerful story, and such a sad ending. You really captured the girl's dilemma and her glimmer of hope, only to fall to the same fate as all the others. This is haunting, and very well written.
02/02/08
So sad, and heartbreaking to think that it plays out every day.

I would have liked a bit more to establish setting--was not sure where this was taking place.

Good job with providing both mood and tone.
02/02/08
I assume this was set in Africa? I felt like I was walking along with this young girl. Good job setting the tone! Make sure you have someone proofread your work. It distracts from the great writing. Don't want that to happen. Keep up the good work!
Laury
Really felt the tension and emotion in this piece. Nice job. :)