The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/02/08
This was good writing. In the future, though, make sure you show us instead of telling so much. Include some dialogue. That would help. Keep on writing!
Laury
02/02/08
Great idea for this week's topic.

Laury has given you good advice, and I'd add that you can try to tighten up your writing, giving more room for plot and character development. For example, in one sentence you wrote that she was "excited, overjoyed, elated, and positively ecstatic." Any one of those adjectives by itself would be sufficient.

I don't understand why people stay in jobs that they hate!
Oooh! I was with Marissa, hoping that she would find a better job again or at least would be able to make do with the one that she had, I wish there'd been a little more about her thoughts, etc, she was beginning to seem so real to me and then the story ended. Good job! ^_^