Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Calm (emotionally) (09/13/07)
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TITLE: The Shopping Trip | Previous Challenge Entry
By Lisa Galli
09/19/07 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
And she’s buying a stairway to heaven”.
--Robert Plant
My heavy heart has struggled to deal with the crashing waves of a mighty storm that hammers away at my spirit and my sanity. I’ve watched as friends and family have tried to survive the stormy seas that pound them. One has been ill and has undergone weeks of waiting for tuberculosis test results. Another has been charged with a terrible crime. Though I know that he is innocent, it is the type of accusation that society does not easily forgive or forget, especially in a small southern town. My husband and I have had some of the most atrocious fights and I have felt as if I hardly know him or myself either, though we’ve been married for twenty years.
I have spent a lot of time visiting at hospitals. A beloved teenager swallowed an entire bottle of acetaminophen ten days ago. This happened while she was staying in my home and under my care. I feel so ashamed. She has spent several days in the ICU at two different hospitals, and she will be fine physically. She is now under psychiatric care.
A beloved friend is back in the hospital, again, this time with a staphylococcus infection in her surgical incision. This is about her sixth stay in the hospital this year as she has been dealing with a brain tumor and a very rare blood disorder.
So…several trips to four different hospitals in nine days have been almost beyond what I can bear, physically or emotionally.
I feel as if I have been riding a roller coaster with the devil. I have been living all week in direct response to his ugly taunts, feeling tortured and terrified and angry. I have screamed and cried. I’ve slammed doors and thrown things. I’ve said nasty things to and about other people, and then screamed and cried some more. All of this has just added to the feeling of failure and helplessness because I can’t make things better.
There is a Lady inside of me. She is sure all the glitters is gold and on Friday night she decided to go shopping, bound and determined to make herself feel better. After all, she had that zero balance on her credit card... She was so very wrong.
After the shopping trip I went to visit my girlfriend at the hospital. She looked well and the visit was nice. But as I returned to my car, the many difficulties of the last few weeks very suddenly caught up with me. The parking lot attendant was very unkind because I had no money to pay and had to write him a check for $3.00. That was my undoing. As I drove away, humiliated, my sanity came tumbling down. I ended up completely hysterical, in no condition to be driving home, but I did it anyway.
Last night I finally spent some time alone in Bible study and prayer, receiving desperately needed comfort from my Heavenly Father. As of this morning I have given it all back to Him, faithfully laying all of my burdens right down at His feet. I shall wait and watch, knowing that He is in control, in all of His perfect wisdom. It is such a sweet relief, this real, priceless peace. The storm in my heart has calmed, just like the storm on the Sea of Galilee calmed in obedience to Jesus’ command, “Peace, be still.” The Son has come out and shines brightly, warming my face and my heart. Just as He was in control then, He is now and forever will be, in control of all things.
I have told the Lady, who is in me, to go sit down and be quiet! She convinced me on Friday night that what I needed was at a clothing store, obtainable with plastic money. She walks not by faith but by sight, her eye on the glittering gold. Next time I will remember to fall into the arms of my Savior for comfort, rather than take a shopping trip! I will walk by Faith in Jesus Christ and know that He is the one who calms the storm and stills the waters.
*And He arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. Mark 4:39, KJV
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