Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Surprised (09/06/07)
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TITLE: UNFORGETTABLE YET FORGETTABLE | Previous Challenge Entry
By JAMES MURIUKI
09/07/07 -
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A convicted criminal, a murderer and a dangerous ring leader was brooding in jail.
He remained there for quite a while without the ultimate sentence being passed on him though it would eventually come.
All his dreams and aspirations had vanished into thin air.
He wouldn’t go anywhere as freely as he did in the past.
He wouldn’t play hide and seek with his kids as he did in the past anymore.
He wouldn’t even whisper those lovely words to his wife in the comfort of his abode anymore.
Never again!
His friends dwindled and only a handful sporadically trickled in to his filthy dark dungeon to see him. He was down to the dregs. A dark cloud of doom hovered in his life. Every day could be his last to pay up on the hangman’s noose.
He lost his appetite.
“Honey, what use is food, if I’ll end up there”, he argued to his wife one day as she brought in his favourite soup. “Don’t worry honey” she beseeched him, “just eat something, it is important for your energy. After all, who knows, something might come up, today, tomorrow, the day after…”
He stood up, straightened and pressed hard on to the steel bars separating him from the wife he loved and the outside world. He looked deep into her eyes and with deep remorse whispered, “Never honey, never. No one ever gets in here and comes out to see the sun again. Never!” he broke down into tears and the guard quickly shovelled him back to his cell which he was slowly reckoning as his new home.
One afternoon after a long boring morning he sat on his bunker and gazed blankly into space. His neck and back ached from the ruthless cushion less bed. Rats and roaches were playing about his feet scrambling for his uneaten lunch. They bothered him to the marrow in the past but not now. They were his regular companions. Through a small hole on the wall he could see the blue sky outside and occasionally hear the cuckoo of migrating geese.
To him life was meaningless now.
Then, all of a sudden there was commotion outside in the king’s palace a few yards from his dungeon, an uproar of some sought or so he thought. Masses were shouting out what he couldn’t pick out clearly. He cocked his ears and listened but all he could gather was one word echoing loud on the prison walls, “Barabbas!” followed by, “Crucify Him!... Crucify Him!” He almost passed out. Trembling with fear he knew that he was only a few minutes to his demise. All he expected now was the click of the guard’s keys to usher him to the executioner.
With his garments soaked wet, he gathered the little strength he had and stood up against the cold wall and waited.
The endless wait doubled, tripled and even quadrupled his fears. Then he finally heard the footsteps, heavy and quick. But, ironically the guard was twirling the keys and whistling happily as though he was coming to take him out to his birthday party!
“Hey fellow!” the guard shouted a few yards to his cell, “There never was a luckier man in the whole world like you are today, someone else will take your place!”
He just remained there angry and speechless as a statue gazing at the guard thinking, “Is he so happy because I’m just about to perish?”
“Hey!” the guard shouted again followed by a grin, “why do you stand there like a dummy, you should be dancing and shouting for joy! You heard me right, you are free now, free!!!” he made a little jig to make the message clear, “You know the miracle worker…yah Jesus. He will die in your place! I wonder what you are going to do with your life from now on” the guard said swinging open the steel doors to let him out.
He wasn’t sure whether this was real or another dream. He slowly shuffled his feet feeling his hands and body to make sure he was still sane. He couldn’t figure out any sense between freedom and this Jesus.
Then, the reality exploded on him. He let out a shout, a deafening scream, jumped up high into the air and ran surprised!
But as he sped past the noisy courtyard, he saw Him; bloody sores on his back still oozing with fresh blood - for him.
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Some errors of word choice and some slight anachronisms were slightly distracting. This story is definitely worth a second edit to give it additional polish.