The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/08/06
Interesting story with some good descriptive words and phrases. I'm not sure I understood the whole intent of the piece, but I enjoyed reading it. Is Teacher supposed to represent Jesus dewlling on earth after the Fall? Why did the girl go alone to him without her parents? I'd like to read more of your work, as you do have an intriguing style.
11/08/06
I really liked your style. It's inviting, imaginative, and it flows. The time frame that was explained left me a little confused at first, but after rereading I began to get the gist. I found the idea of the snake very effective. This piece has a lot of potential, and the language is good, but I would smooth out the expanations. Simplification would not be the same as a lowering the reading level. As an outsider, I personally would enjoy the story even more.