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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Vision (08/03/06)

I once knew a man that could not see,
He had trouble seeing the forest for the trees.
His trouble began when he stopped trusting me.
I gave him all that he could ever need
But he chose that which planted the seed
That caused all of mankind the earth’s deed.

Having twenty-twenty, he still lacked vision,
His eyesight led him to make the wrong decision
Not knowing I always in everything make provision.
So that when life causes him certain collisions
The work of the resurrection and ascension
Of the only begotten son Jesus, provides rescission.

So having eyes, he still did not see,
Just what the vision I had hoped for him to be
After which I wrote in my word all the guarantees,
Including, write down the vision and then decree,
That “he may run with it who reads it” holds the key,
Believe it yourself and then the whole world will see.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Stacey LaMontagne
08/12/06
I am sorry to say but this was hard to "see" and hard to read. I like the way you want to rhym the end words but it did not flow well. I thought God was talking about Adam but then it changed to be something else I think and you lost me totally in the last part. I think you need to work on this a little more and please DO NOT use italics.
Thanks. Keep trying.
Helen Paynter
08/13/06
The overall message was pretty clear, I think, although I feel you sacrificed clarity in places on the altar of rhyme and meter (a real temptation for poets). You've good a good ear for poetry, so don't be discouraged.