The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/16/06
"...light my fuse."
"...abundantly true."--Good lines here. This is a lovely prayer. Well done.
Beautiful prayer! You got the thyme scheme nailed down! Now, to make it really effective, you'll want to work on tightening up the meter, or rhythm of the piece. Usually your first stanza sets the pace, then you construct the others to have a certain number of beats, or syllabic emphases, per line. When you stick with the structure, your thoughts really stick with your readers! Have fun with this, and keep writing!
06/19/06
Beautiful thoughts. As already mentioned the rhythm needs to be tightened up a bit. Overall it is nice piece of work. Keep writing.