The Official Writing Challenge
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A good look at the frailness of our earthly dreams! You have a unique way with words in a few spots, for instance,
"...My neural travelator conveyed me through the seamless memory chambers."

Your piece is very good, but I'd rather hear more from the part of you that uses a mental'travelator!" I suspect your natural voice is 'out-of-the-box' and singularly refreshing! Do everything you can to set it free.
06/07/06
You have a special way with words that keeps your reader interested in the story. I suspect you have more to tell, and I look forward to reading. God bless your talent!