Hope is Waiting | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: Hope is Waiting | Previous Challenge Entry
By Andrew Curtis
05/08/06
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I had a desperate fear creep through my soul. I was a disappointment and not good enough to be on this earth. I had convinced myself that I was meaningless and didn’t matter at all. The world was pressing down on me. I allowed circumstances and events dictate how I felt and reacted. I was of no good to my family in this pitiful and incomprehensible state of mind and soul.
The walls closed in and the blackness of despair was enshrouding me. I couldn’t stop. I was unable to just walk away. It had a secure grip on me and would not let go. I needed a divine intervention; and I needed it now. I was unable to control or change it. I couldn’t set it down. It overwhelmed me and was the power of my life; though I did not want it. I was left alone, naked and exposed to the world and the demons surrounding it. There was no way out. I was hopeless. I didn’t know what to do. I had relied on myself so much; I was merely existing and not living.
I had to face the fact that I could not do this on my own. I had to have help from someone up above. Something superior to me had to take my problem and throw it as far from me as possible. However I did have to do my part and make a decision to allow this Being, God, to remove my paralyzing fear, depression, anxiety and despair. The agony was too great for me.
I now turn my life completely over to God and allow Him to do whatever He needs to in my life. If this means to sell all of my worldly possessions to get a glimpse of His grace, I must be willing to do this. I have to do this only a daily, sometimes hourly basis to get the life and freedom I desire. This freedom can only come from God.
My spiritual walk today consists of heavy meditation and constant communication with God. I cannot imagine my life without Him in my life today. I have everything I need today. God has been the blessing and best friend I have been looking for my entire life. Never have I been able to experience life in a warm and gentle place. My trials no longer keeps me down.
I have a way out of the horror I once placed myself in. I had to realize that I placed myself in the hell that I was living in. I was to blame, no one else. It happened because I walked away from the grace of God and did not allow him to be a part of my life. Today God gives me what He wants me to have and I am grateful that he gives me anything at all. I am so filled with joy and hope that I am able to sing and dance.

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