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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Hope (05/04/06)
Sasha woke up to the sun shining its sunrays through her curtain drawn windows. She tried to sit up but her belly had gotten so big she had to roll out of her bed. As Sasha walked to her full length mirror and lifted her shirt to see her huge pregnant belly, she thought of how difficult it was to get pregnant.

Sasha and her husband tried to get pregnant time after time. Finally when it seemed hopeless, Sasha got pregnant. Unfortunately, she had a miscarriage in her eleventh week.

“I can’t believe it!” Sasha shrieked with pain, which pulled her away from her thoughts. She hobbled over to the phone and called her husband, Dean, at work. “I will be home as soon as I can!” Dean reassured her. Sasha went to lie on her bed and wait for Dean, when her thoughts snapped her right back in like a rubber band.

When Sasha had the miscarriage she felt worthless. She cried day-in and day-out for weeks. “God…Why me? Why can’t I have a baby?” She prayed. You have to have hope, my child. Sasha had hope, she hoped for a little baby to care for and to love. One month later all her hopes came true, she was Pregnant.

After Dean got home to get Sasha and take her to the hospital everything seemed to go by fast, all Sasha could remember was praying, “Lord let everything be ok, let my baby be safe.” Before Sasha realized what was going on she could hear the Doctor telling Sasha to push…
“Come on Sasha, you need to push.” the Doctor told her. Sasha screamed as she pushed, as she was screaming and pushing she thought of everything she and Dean went through to get this far…and before she knew it, the Doctor was laying her beautiful baby girl on her chest. Sasha held her daughter and wept with tears of joy. “I think I will name you…” Sasha stared at her daughter as if she was the most intriguing thing in the world. Sasha smiled and said “Nadine…it means hopeful”.
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This article has been read 1401 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Ann Darcy
05/11/06
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I really enjoyed it!
Virginia Gorg
05/11/06
I see potential here, but the shift from present to past and back to present is confusing. From one who has had a miscarriage, I can relate to her feelings. Nicely told.
aditya sinha
05/12/06
Expresed nicely with a suitable example.
Helen Paynter
05/13/06
Nice, satisfying story. I love her choice of name - ddn't know Nadine meant that. Take a litle look at your tenses. For example, in the second paragraph (i'm doing this from memory) you say 'she took a long time to get pregnant'. But you started the first paragraph also in the past tense. This implies the two events happen at the same point in time. To make it happen in her past, use the pluperfect - she had taken a long time...
Hope that makes sense.
Great message, thanks for sharing
Dr. Sharon Schuetz
05/14/06
This was a good story. There is a redundancy in using the word pregnant so often in the first paragraph. If you find different ways to say the same thing, it makes it easier to read. Otherwise, it was very good.
Rita Garcia
05/16/06
Very good entry, you won't be writing in the beginners for long, I predict you are on your way to the master's. Love your ability to tell a story, you make it very visual.
Cassie Memmer
05/16/06
Good story line and thoughts. Left a few gaps though. You might lengthen it by filling in a few more details, for sure tell us she's gone into labor and called her husband home. Good job! Keep it up.
Val Clark
05/16/06
This makes a lovely outline for a story! If you expanded it you can make it more real for the reader by engaging all of our sense. What did she smell, taste, feel, hear as well as see?
Patricia Charlton
05/17/06
I agree that the sift from past to present is confusing. The story line has potential. Tighten up on your sentences and repetitive words "pregnant". Add some depth to your characters and you have a winning piece.