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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Inner Strength (04/20/06)
At that time the spirit of the LORD came upon Jephthah, and he went throughtout the
land of Gilead, and led an army against the ammonites.
And jephthah made a vow to the LORD.He said, " If you give me victory over the Ammonites, I will give to the LORD the first thing that comes out of my house to greet me when i return in triumph. I will sacrifice it as a burnt offering to the LORD .

So jephthah led his army against the ammonites, and the LORD gave him victory. He thoroughly defeated the Ammonites from Aroer to an arear near Minnith-twenty-towns-and as far away as Abel-Keremim.Thus Isreal subdued the Ammonites.

When Jephthah returned home to Mizpah, his daughter-his only child ran out to meet him, playing a tambourine and dancing for joy. When he saw her, he tore his clothes in anguish "My daughter!"he cried out " my heart is broking! what a tragedy that you came out to greet me.For i have made a vow to the LORD and cannot take it back.
And she said, Father, you have mad a vow to the LORD.You must do to me what you have promised, For the LORD has given you a great victory over your enemies, the Ammonites But first let me go up and roam in the hills and weep wih my friends for two months because i will die a virgin".

You may go, Jephthah said. She and her friends went into the hills and wept because she wold never have children . When she returned home,her father kept his vow, and she died a virgin .

hadly had pastor Binke finished telling the story from he Bible that Ashley starts to cry uncontrollable.

After the sunday school lecture, Pastor Binke invited her to her office teaching her about sacrifice and it's gain in our lives. she adviced her on the kind of sacrifice she should take as a young chiorister of her age.

Ashley,decieded to reveal the secret that brought tears to her eyes during the sunday school lecture about how arrangement had been made by her friends with a college guy who would disvirgin her just because she is eighteen and too old to remain a virgin but the story of the daughter of jephthah was an inner strength for her to keep her dignity.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
04/30/06
You have the outline of a very suspenseful story here, but it feels like you just skimmed the surface. Consider summarizing the Bible story while you are telling Ashley's story in a longer, more narrative form. Then you'll have more of an opportunity to develop the plot and the characters further. You've definitely got the right idea.
Helen Paynter
05/01/06
I like the tying togather of the Biblical story with the modern dilemma. However, the end felt a bit rushed, and you need to work a bit on punctuation. This could be really good with some re-working.
Virginia Gorg
05/02/06
Grammatical and spelling errors really detract from the story. But the message came through nicely. Some rework and and you have a good article here about purity.