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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: End (02/13/06)
The ball seemed to fly across the driveway as it arched towards Danny, disappearing behind the bright summer sun and leaping out in a direction he wasn't expecting. He reached up and closed his brand new glove as the ball started to fall towards the concrete driveway. The glove took the brunt of the ball's momentum to keep it from running towards the road, but it landed on the ground again, and he still hadn't figured out how to trap the ball in the webbing yet.

"Man, Daddy," Danny said, "This is hard."

"A new glove takes a while to break in. That's why you can't close it all the way yet." Steve said. Danny reared back and threw it as hard as he could. His chuck went wide right, sailing into the garage door. Fortunately, the garage door was strong enough to take a 6-year old's best throw. Steve chuckled as he walked up to the ball- he was certain that Danny couldn't even have scratched the paint on the door. On the other hand, if he had been throwing, he would need to go looking for a new garage door. As a former minor league pitcher, Steve loved the game of baseball, but he found his wife and son more worthy of his time- especially Danny.

He picked the baseball up off its bed of pine needles, tossed it back to Danny and then inspected the garage door for a dent. His prognosis was absolutely correct- it was very much intact.

He turned around and took one step.

What he saw was this: In front of him was his driveway, sloping away from him about 20 yards down to State Route 6 that ran in front of his property. He saw the baseball rolling towards the double yellow lines, with Danny in hot pursuit, about 2 yards from the road. To Danny's left, was a car barrelling down the road. It was certainly going 70, maybe 75 MPH, through the 55 MPH sign-

Right towards Danny.


Steve had only one instinctive response:

"STOPDANNYYYY!!" came forth, more as a guttural roar than a shout. In an instant, his mind mentally replayed memories.


"Eat your applesauce, Danny."


"Rock-a-by Danny, in the tree-tops..."


"No Danny, you can't have that candy- you'll spoil your dinner."

"But I WANT it..."



"I love you, Danny."

"I love you, Daddy."



Danny kept running after the baseball- and the driver hit Danny with a sickening thud, sending him twisting into a tree just off the road, into a small ditch beyond Steve's sight. The car kept speeding as if nothing had happened, on down the road until Steve couldn't see him.

Steve ran, as if life itself depended on it. He ran to the ditch where he saw Danny fall into.

There was no dent in the tree. There was no blood. There was no Danny. Steve, on the verge of hyperventilating, turned around.

There was Danny, standing at the end of the cracked driveway, mitt on his right hand, looking back at Steve.

One very shocked father stared at one very innocent child for a long time. "Dad?"

"Danny...I-I thought you ran into the road. I was afraid you didn't listen to me."

Running towards his daddy, he gave a small, gentle hug, grasping the back of his jean legs. With his face buried in his father's embrace, he said, "I know my daddy loves me, and I love daddy more than the baseball."
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This article has been read 1066 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Brandi Roberts
02/21/06
I like your style, kid! Only one thing I think I would change and that's the "What he saw was this:" part. Leave that out and let the reader make that conclusion. :) Otherwise a very good read, you had my attention throughout the entire story!
terri tiffany
02/22/06
Very good!! Kept my attention too! I had some confusion where the faf looks at the son afterwards and then it says "Dad?". I may have put that in a separate line or somehow made it clearer it was the boy talking. Otherwise...great read!
Marilyn Schnepp 
02/23/06
The topic was END. I kept looking for the tie-in; I guess the fact that it had a happy ending...and it definitely did!...was enough to call it in line with the topic. I loved the story, however! Very unique and a very interesting read! Thanks
and nicely written also.
Anita Neuman
02/23/06
Wow, Zac, you sucked me right in! I'm so glad you ended the story the way you did - but any parent can certainly relate to that moment of sheer panic. Great job conveying that! One correction - "He ran to the ditch where he saw Danny fall into." This sentence doesn't quite make sense. Perhaps "He ran to the ditch where he had seen Danny fall."
Great job on this!!!
Zac James
02/24/06
Hey,

Thank you all for the awesome comments. These have really helped me learn a few things.

I would like to reaffirm that this story relates very much to the topic "end". Here's my only hint:

"End"

I mean that with no sarcasm, and if you get it, you'll see what I mean. Read into the word and you'll see what I mean.

Yours In Christ,
~Zac
Jan Ackerson
02/24/06
Sorry, Zac, I still don't see the tie-in--but this was a very engaging story, nevertheless...with a great twist.
Jessica Schmit
02/24/06
I agree with the above comments. I'm not quite sure how "end" fits in here. Is it how Danny has finally come to the end of his little kid habits? Or the end of the story or...? The thing I've really learned is that the judges like it when the topic is used fairly obvious. Now, I'm not saying you have to lose your "hidden between the lines approach" but be forewarned that if you are creative (which you are) you probably think more abstractly, which makes it difficult for people who are reading quickly through entries. You write beautifully though and you have some real talent. Keep writing. I'm looking forward to read more from you.
Zac James
02/24/06
OK, I feel that since quite a few are having trouble understanding the meaning, here it is (SPOILER WARNING):

Look at the one time I use the word "end". It's in this sentence,

"There was Danny, standing at the end of the cracked driveway, mitt on his right hand, looking back at Steve."

The end of the driveway is the beginning of the road. The connection here is that Danny had to choose not to go beyond the end of the driveway, and into the road, which "looked" safe, and something he loved was there.

Mrs. Schmit also hit the nail on the head when she said that it was where the story ended.

I'll leave you to take whatever you want from that, but I hope that sheds some light on it.

In Christ,
~Zac
Shari Armstrong 
02/26/06
Ok -my heart was in my throat -but what go hit? So glad it wasn't Danny!