The Struggle | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: The Struggle | Previous Challenge Entry
By
02/04/06
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My life was a mess. I knew what I needed was more self-control. Self-control is a good thing right? It is listed in the Bible as one of the fruits of the spirit, so I worked hard and disciplined myself. I created my own definition of self- control and made it my motto to live by. I considered self-control to be the evidence of maturity where a person stops living by how they feel and start living by what they know is right. That is exactly what I did.
First, I started eating sensibly. It did not matter what I felt like eating. If I was not hungry or it was too fattening, I did not eat it. Then I made a commitment to exercise. It did not matter how tired I was or how much I dreaded it, I did it, because it was good for me. It was a matter of living by what I knew and not how I felt. I lost 70 pounds in a year.
Then I made a to-do-list for chores. Even with a toddler, I kept the house clean, meals cooked, my body in shape. It was great. It was so great that I allowed my organization, my to-do-list, my plans, to take control of me. It was my human nature at work. Things that got in the way of my plans became burdens to me. Didn’t my toddler know that I could not stop and play, there was laundry to do? Shouldn’t my husband be proud of the home I kept for him, instead of acting rejected when I turned down a chance to just sit with him a while. I had to be self-controlled and stay on task.
I had let the good idea of self-control get out of balance. I had become a control freak. How could this happen? Self-control is of God. He is a God of order. I was working according to His instructions to have self-control, so what went wrong? My focus left Him and His plans for my day. I was focusing on my plans and my plans are so much smaller than His.
I now realize that godly self-control comes only when we first acknowledge that God is in control. He has the right to interrupt my plans any time He wishes, sometime through the children He has blessed me with, or the loving husband he has placed over me. I have the victory when I give up the power struggle and let God be in control.

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