Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Control (01/30/06)
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TITLE: Control Freak | Previous Challenge Entry
By Lina Boom
02/01/06 -
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No one on our hall liked her.
I was her mediator. People would come to me with questions like, “Why is Allie such a stick?” They would make comments like, “I’m so sorry you have to room with her. Maybe she’ll move next year.” Everything got silent whenever she was around.
No one invited her to parties.
I couldn’t blame them for not wanting her around. She wasn’t very pleasant. And yet, I couldn’t help but feel that maybe she liked the way she was. Maybe she wanted to be that way. I decided to find out.
One afternoon, I had purposefully stayed in my room to study. Usually I left and went somewhere else because, if I made noise, she would turn around and glare at me. But, that afternoon, I was determined to ask her a very important question:
“Allie, why do you act the way you do?”
She turned. She glared.
I stared back at her, and waited for an answer.
“Why do you care?” She demanded.
“Because I want to understand you,” I answered.
She turned away.
“Everyone hates me, don’t they?” she said sullenly.
“That depends…” I said.
She didn’t say anything for a while. She didn’t look at me either.
Still I waited.
Finally, she turned back around to face me. Was I imagining it, or were those tears in her eyes?
Suddenly, she smiled. Then she sniffed. Then, to my astonishment, she laughed.
“You look like a shrink,” she said.
She must have been referring to my position on the bed, with my notebook and pencil resting on my knees. I giggled a little too. I changed positions and then restated the question.
“I really want to know,” I said.
She said, “You wouldn’t understand.”
I said, “Try me.”
She did.
“Truth is, I don’t really know,” she began. “I’m not comfortable if things are disorganized. I feel like a failure if I make bad grades. I can’t have fun…” She got teary-eyed again. "I feel like there is always something else to do. I feel lazy if I relax, if I’m not doing something with myself…see? You don’t understand!” She turned away again.
I leaned further forward. I asked intently, “You feel like you have to be in control?”
“Yes,” She answered flatly.
“You feel like no one can handle things as good as you?”
“Kind of.”
“Are you a Christian?”
She shot me a look, “Of course I am.”
“Well, then, it’s simple,” I said. “Being organized, studying hard to make good grades, having fun with your friends, that stuff is all good stuff. But that stuff is all good stuff in it’s own time. There is special place and time for everything.”
She seemed interested, so I kept going. “You know that verse? ‘God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to his purposes?’ Well, that means EVERYTHING.
“God says ‘whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.’ And once you’ve done it, whatever it is, with all your might, you can sit back and relax and let God do the rest because He is ultimately in control of the outcome anyway.”
Allie didn’t say anything. I wondered if she thought I was some kind of an idiot preacher.
Finally she said, “Are you saying it’s bad to be stressed out?”
“Well, yes, basically. If you’re stressed, it’s just proving you’re not trusting God. And it proves you don’t really believe He has control over things.”
“So you’re saying if I do my best then I have to believe God will control the outcome.”
“He does control the outcome anyway, whether you believe He does or not.”
Allie nodded. “Yeah, that’s pretty cool.”
“It sure is.”
“Is that how you can go through life, always smiling and never freaking out?”
I laughed. “I wish I could say I never freak out, but I forget that God is in control sometimes too.”
“Well, maybe things will be better now.”
“If we both remember who runs the show, they will.”
She looked at me and smiled. “You make a good shrink.”
We both laughed.
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